Left (Win).
秋よたゞ眺め捨ても出なまし此里のみの夕と思はば
| aki yo tada nagamesutetemo idenamashi kono sato nomi no yūbe to omowaba |
O, Autumn! Could I escape you I would leave This dwelling, were it alone Enveloped in evening.. |
383
Right.
眺めつる軒端の萩の音信て松風になる夕暮の空
| nagametsuru nokiba no hagi no otozurete matsukaze ni naru yūgure no sora |
Gazing At the bush clover ‘neath my eaves, A visitor’s step Awaiting, carried by the pine-brushed wind, From the evening skies… |
384
Neither team has any criticisms of the other’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: There is no distinction to make between the diction or emotional import of either poem. There is, of course, no reason to expect the wind not to blow through the pine trees, when it brushes the bush clover. I feel that the sentiment of this poem’s ‘pine-brushed wind’ (matsukaze ni naru) resembles that of Round One Hundred and Ninety’s ‘Insects sing from the cogon grasses in my garden’ (mushi no ne ni naru niwa no asajū), but is somewhat inferior. The Left, though, truly captures the feeling.