Left.
色變る鴛鴦の毛衣今朝見ずは降るとも知らじ秋の露霜
| iro kawaru oshi no kegoromo kesa mizu wa furu tomo shiraji aki no tsuyujimo |
Colours changing on The mandarin duckdown: If I see it not this morning, I’ll not know that has fallen: Autumn’s frosty dew! |
459
Right.
霜さゆる蓬が下のきりぎりす聲も枯野に成やしぬらん
| shimo sayuru yomogi ga shita no kirigirisu koe mo kareno ni nari ya shinuran |
Frozen by frost, Beneath the tangled mugwort Has the cricket’s Chirp wearied as the withered fields Become? |
460
The Right say, ‘It sounds as if the Left cannot see frost, unless it’s on a mandarin duck’s down!’
The Left respond, ‘There is the poem ‘the down-clad ducks come to my mind’ (kamo no uwage o omoi koso yare). If one composes a poem about one thing, that’s what one is composing about. As for what the Right have to say in their poem, if one is listening to a cricket’s chirp, how can it be withering away? Dubious! [fushin]’
Shunzei’s judgement: I must say I am doubtful myself about saying frosty dewfall changes the colour of ‘mandarin duckdown’ (oshi no kegoromo). In the Right’s poem, saying, ‘the cricket’s chirp’ (kirigirisu no koe) ‘the withered fields become’ (kareno ni nari ya shinuran) sounds as if one cannot hear it at all. The Left’s use of ‘dew’ (tsuyu), too, seems pointless. The Right has an elegant [yū naru] initial section, but the diction in the final section is dubious [shūku no kotoba fushin ni kikoyu]. I make the round a tie.