Left (Win).
長月の月も在明になりぬれば秋暮れ果つる夕暗の空
| nagatsuki no tsuki mo ariake ni narinureba aki kurehatsuru yūyami no sora |
When the Longest Month Comes close To daybreak, Autumn is in twilight In the darkened evening skies… |
469
Right.
立ちかへる空なく秋や思ふらん野邊の草葉に露ぞ茂れる
| tachikaeru sora naku aki ya omouran nobe no kusaba ni tsuyu zo shigereru |
There will be no return To these skies, does the Autumn Feel? All the plants upon the plain are Drenched with dew… |
470
The Right wonder, ‘Why the Left has “Autumn in twilight” (aki kurehatsuru) at daybreak?’ The Left respond, ‘This is simply to convey the feeling that autumn has reached its end with the evening darkness. In the Right’s poem, “no [return] to these skies” (sora naku) does not fit with the conception [kokoro yukite kikoezu]. We also wonder at the usage of “drenched with dew” (tsuyu shigeru).’
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem is better.