hototogisu kokoro no mama ni tazunu tote tori no ne mo senu yama ni kinikeri
A cuckoo Was my heart’s desire, and so Did I come a’visiting, but Not a single bird call sounds In the mountains now I’ve arrived!
Lord Kiyosuke 17
Right
しをりして又たづねこん時鳥この山にてぞ一こゑもきく
shiorishite mata tazunekon hototogisu kono yama nite zo hitogoe mo kiku
Breaking branches, Let us go visit there once more! As for the cuckoo, Upon this mountain, I hear his single call!
Atsuyori 18
The Left has a strong conception of visiting but has ‘cuckoo’ initially and then follows this with ‘bird’, which is a fault, isn’t it? However, it appears there are some earlier instances of this, and thus I would not wish to say that this is not good expression. The Right’s poem has nothing to indicate, but as an earlier example, in the ‘Poetry Match held at the Kaya Palace’, Lord Michitoshi recited
おしなべて山のしら雪つもれどもしるきはこしのたかねなりけり
oshinabete yama no shirayuki tsumoredomo shiruki wa koshi no takane narikeri
Each and every Mountain has snow, so white, Piled upon it, yet Most remarkable is Koshi’s High peak.
Kaya-no-in shichiban uta’awase 44
Koshi Peak is a mountain, making this a precedent, and moreover this was not felt to be a fault at the time.[1] In addition, there are also many examples of poems referring to both warblers and cuckoos, are there not?
[1] The judge in the contest says Michitoshi’s poem is ‘straightforwardly beautiful’.
ukiyo oba mata nani ni ka wa nagusamen hana ni sakidatsu inochi to mogana
In this cruel world Is there yet anything else To console me? Before the blossoms’ departure I would my life do the same…
Court Lady Taifu 15
Right
桜さく春の山風みねこせば雪ふりつもる谷のほそみち
sakura saku haru no yamakaze mine koseba yuki furitsumoru tani no hosomichi
When in cherry-blooming Spring, the mountain breezes Cross the peaks Snow falls and piles high Upon the narrow valley paths.
Moromitsu 16
Both poems are smooth, and on that basis, I would say that the Right is superior, but it has an archaic element, while the Left lacks anything unusual about it, so this is a tie of quality.
