Love II: 30

Left (Win).

忘れじの契を頼む別かな空行く月の末を數へて

wasureji no
chigiri o tanomu
wakare kana
sora yuku tsuki no
sue o kazoete
Not to forget
I promised – trust that
On our parting.
The moon’s transit through the sky
Is the number of our meeting.

A Servant Girl

719

Right.

風吹かば峰に別れん雲をだにありし名殘の形見とも見よ

kaze fukaba
mine ni wakaren
kumo o dani
arishi nagori no
katami to mo miyo
If the wind should blow,
Parting from the peak,
Even the clouds
My memories
Seem to represent!

Ietaka

720

The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is most moving. The Right’s poem, the Gentlemen of the Left state, is fine.

Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem has one counting to the end of the moon’s transits through the sky, while the Right has clouds parting from a mountain peak being the poet’s thoughts given form. Both poems are elegant in configuration and diction, but the Right’s ‘even the clouds’ (kumo ni dani) does not fit with the ending. The Left maintains its connections from beginning to end. Thus, I make it the winner.

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