Love III: 15

Left (Win.)


wabitsutsu wa
otosuru kaze no
tsute mo gana
ogi no uwaba no
karehatenu tomo
Sunk in constant grief
A whispered wind-borne
Word would do; though
The fronds of silver-grass
Have withered all away…

Lord Ari’ie




asamashi ya
fuchi to seku se no
sue dani mo
kaku taehatsuru
hodo wa mienu o
How unexpected!
The flow dammed into a pool
Has reached an end;
That it would cease so
It never did seem…



The Right state: it sounds as if the silver-grass after withering make no sound. The Left state: the expression ‘flow dammed into a pool’ (fuchi to seku se) is odd.

In judgement: the Left is not saying that silver-grass makes no sound after withering, but that there is no wind. The Right’s ‘flow dammed into a pool’ is certainly not poor, but the final section sounds clumsy. The Left’s poem is better. It should win.

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