Left.
あらざらん後の世までを恨みてもその面影をえこそうとまね
| arazaran nochi no yo made o uramitemo sono omokage o e koso utomane |
Soon I will be no more, and Even until the world to come I may hate you, yet Your face is One I cannot but feel for! |
Lord Sada’ie
763
Right.
さても猶頼む心や残しけむ恨みけるさへ恨めしき哉
| satemo nao tanomu kokoro ya nokoshikemu uramikeru sae urameshiki kana |
Even so, is yet A hint of belief Left to me? That I have hated you, Now I hate that more… |
Jakuren
764
The Right state: the Left’s ‘cannot but feel for’ (utomane) is poor. The Left state: we find no faults to indicate in the Right’s poem.
In judgement: the use of diction in both poems, however I consider it, is unworthy of praise. I wonder about the Left’s use of ‘cannot but feel for’ – it would have been better to use ‘cannot forget’, surely? The Right’s ‘is left’ (nokoshimemu) would have been better as ‘remains’ (nokoriken). ‘Even so, is yet’ (satemo nao) fails to link with the end of the poem, too. Neither is worthy of a win.