Left (Win).
君もまた夕や分きて眺むらん忘れず拂ふ荻の風哉
| kimi mo mata yūbe ya wakite nagamuran wasurezu harau ogi no kaze kana |
Are you, once more, my darling, Spending this evening On thoughts of love? Faithfully sweeps The wind across the silver-grass… |
A Servant Girl.
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Right.
時しもあれ悲しかりける思ひかな秋の夕に人は忘れじ
| toki shi mo are kanashikarikeru omoi kana aki no yūbe ni hito wa wasureji |
Of all the times there are, now Does sadness Most fill my thoughts; On an autumn evening Unable to forget her… |
Ietaka.
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The Right state: we wonder about the appropriateness of ‘faithfully sweeps’ (wasurezu harau). The Left state: while the Right’s poem is in keeping with the conception of the topic, it seem as if the reference to ‘evening’ serves little purpose.
In judgement: the Left’s ‘Spending this evening on thoughts of love’ (yūbe ya wakite nagamuran) is appropriate, but I find ‘The wind across the silver-grass’ (ogi no kaze) somewhat problematic. The initial section of the Right’s poem, too, is not bad, but saying ‘On an autumn evening unable to forget her’ (aki no yūbe ni hito wa wasureji) suggests that forgetting is the norm, and I wonder about that. The Left wins on account of its initial section.