Left (Win).
忍びかね心の空に立つ煙見せばや富士の峰にまがへて
| shinobikane kokoro no sora ni tatsu kemuri miseba ya fuji no mine ni magaete |
I can bear no more: Into the heavens of my heart Smoke rises; I would show her it is of Fuji’s Peak an image! |
A Servant Girl.
957
Right.
富士の嶺の煙も猶ぞ立のぼる上なき物は思ひなりけり
| fuji no ne no kemuri mo nao zo tachinoboru ue naki mono wa omoi narikeri |
The peak of Fuji: Smoke yet Rises there; Higher than the highest is My love. |
Ietaka.
958
The Right state: we wonder about the meaning of ‘heavens of my heart’ (kokoro no sora). In reply, the Left: this is the same conception as the poem ‘into the heavens of my heart emerges the moon’. In reply, the Right: what is the point in using the smoke from Fuji as a metaphor? It seems as if the focus of the poem is the smoke. Furthermore, why have smoke rising in your heart without the smoke of passion? The Left state: the Right’s poem seems good.
In judgement: the Gentlemen of the competition seems to have sagaciously criticised the faults of the Left’s poem, but ‘I would show her it is of Fuji’s peak an image!’ (miseba ya fuji no mine ni magaete) is charming in configuration and diction. The Right’s poem, too, in the final section is elegant in configuration. However, I must make the Left the winner.