Round Sixteen

Left

くさまくらたびねさびしきやまかげにこのはさそひてしぐれふるなり

kusamakura tabine sabishiki yamakage ni ko no ha sasoite shigure furunari

On a grassy pillow, Dozing on my travels, lonely In a mountain’s shade, The rustling of the leaves invites A shower to fall.

Hyōenosuke
81

Right (Win)

すみのえのまつがはひねをまくらにてなみうちそふるしぐれをぞきく

suminoe no matsu ga haine o makura nite nami uchisouru shigure o zo kiku

At Suminoe Upon the crawling pine roots Have I made my pillow, while Laced with the breaking waves I listen to the showers.

Lord Naganori
82

The Left’s configuration of ‘the rustling of the leaves invites’, while dozing on one’s journey in the shadow of a mountain, sounds pleasant. While I do wonder about the Right’s diction—concluding with ‘listen to the showers’—in addition to ‘laced with the breaking waves’ sounding pleasant, it also adds the conception of waves beneath ‘the pines of Suminoe’, doesn’t it. I make the Right the winner.