Left (Tie)
人待つと荒れ行く閨のさむしろに払はぬ塵を払ふ秋風
hito matsu to
areyuku neya no
samushiro ni
harawanu chiri o
harau akikaze | Awaiting him in
A dilapidated room’s
Chill blankets,
The dust I’ve left untouched is
Brushed by the cloying wind of autumn. |
A Servant Girl
1137
Right
夜もすがら泪ながるる狭筵は払はぬ塵も積もらざりけり
yomosugara
namida nagaruru
samushiro wa
harawanu chiri mo
tsumorazarikeri | All night long
My tears flow upon
My blanket, so
Even the dust I’ve left untouched
Does not pile up… |
Jakuren
1138
The Right state: we wonder about the appropriateness of the autumn wind blowing into a bedroom. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults to mention.
In judgment: while it does not sound as if there is a clear winner or loser between the ‘dust I’ve left untouched’ (harawanu chiri) used by both parties, why on earth should the autumn wind not blow into the Left’s bedroom? Really, there is no fault at all in saying that the wind will blow into a dilapidated bedroom! The Right has ‘dust I’ve left untouched’ flowing away with the speaker’s tears, and lacks any faults from beginning to end, but the configuration of the Left’s concluding ‘dust I’ve left untouched is brushed by the cloying wind of autumn’ is superior. The initial section of this poem is a little lacking, however, so both poems are equivalent and should tie.
Left
君とわが寝しさむしろの塵なれば形見がてらにうちも払はず
kimi to wa ga
neshi samushiro no
chiri nareba
katami ga tera ni
uchi mo harawazu | My love and I
Did sleep upon these blankets, so
Even the dust there
Is a memento –
I cannot brush it away! |
Lord Suetsune
1135
Right (Win)
ひとり寝の床のさ筵朽ちにけり涙は袖をかぎるのみかは
hitorine no
toko no samushiro
kuchinikeri
namida wa sode o
kagiru nomi ka wa | Sleeping solo on
My bed’s blankets,
They have rotted away;
Tears on more than sleeves
Have that effect… |
Ietaka
1136
The Right state: ‘did sleep’ (neshi) is particularly unimpressive. The Left state: ‘more than sleeves’ (sode o kagiru) is, perhaps, over-definite.
In judgement: in the Left’s poem, despite ‘did sleep upon these blankets’ (neshi samushiro) referring to something which definitely exists, it still sounds as if there is not much poetic expression in the poem. ‘Is a memento’ (katami ga tera) fails to resemble ‘for blossom viewing’ (hanami ga tera). As for the Right’s poem, I certainly would not say that ‘tears on more than sleeves have that effect’ (namida wa sode o kagiru nomi ka wa) is over-definite. It is somewhat difficult to make out on hearing, but the configuration is poetic, indeed, so the Right should win, it seems.
Left
君ゆへにわれさへうとく成はてゝ塵のみゐたる床のさむしろ
kimi yue ni
ware sae utoku
narihatete
chiri nomi itaru
toko no samushiro |
For him
So distant have I
Become;
Dust alone gathers
On the matting of my bed. |
Lord Ari’ie
1131
Right (Win)
さむしろも哀とや思ふあらましに來ぬ君待つとうち拂ふをば
samushiro mo
aware to ya omou
aramashi ni
konu kimi matsu to
uchiharau o ba |
Does my matting, too,
Feel pity,
I wonder?
As waiting for one who never comes
I sweep it clean… |
The Supernumerary Master of the Empress’ Household Office
1132
The Right state: the Left’s poem is not bad. The Left state: the final section of the Right’s poem is unsatisfactory.
In judgement: Both poems use ‘matting’ (samushiro), and the Left’s is not bad in form, but the theme of a person who has grown to hate their own bed so much that dust alone gathers there is completely different from that of the previous round – what sort of lover might they have had, one wonders! Although I wonder about the final section of the Right’s poem, it does not seem to regret the overall conception of love and so wins the round.
Left (Win).
見し人のねくたれ髪の面影に涙かきやる小夜の手枕
mishi hito no
nekutare kami no
omokage ni
namida kakiyaru
sayo no tamakura |
One I once loved:
Her sleep-tangled hair
Comes to mind, and
My tears drop upon
My pillowed arm this night. |
A Servant Girl.
839
Right.
見せばやな夜床に積もる塵をのみあらましごとに拂ふ氣色を
miseba ya na
yodoko ni tsumoru
chiri o nomi
aramashi goto ni
harau keshiki o |
Hoping to see him,
From my bed the piled
Dust at least,
Wishing it would be,
Sweeping away – that’s me! |
Nobusada.
838
Left and Right both state there are no faults to indicate.
In judgement: even though both the Left’s ‘pillowed arm this night’ (sayo no tamakura) and the Right’s ‘dusty bed’ (yodoko no chiri) are elegant, the combination of ‘my tears drop upon my pillowed arm this night’ (namida kakiyaru sayo no tamakura) is particularly moving. The Left should win.
'Simply moving and elegant'