Tag Archives: clouds

Love VI: 12

Left (Tie).
君がりと浮きぬる心まよふらん雲はいくへぞ空の通ひ路

kimigari to
ukinuru kokoro
mayouran
kumo wa iku e zo
sora no kayoiji
To your home
Drifts my heart
In seeming confusion;
How may layers must the clouds
Pass though on the heavenly paths?

A Servant Girl.
923

Right.
思やるながめも今は絶えぬとや心をうづむ夕暮の雲

omoiyaru
nagame mo ima wa
taenu to ya
kokoro o uzumu
yūgure no sora
Lost in thought
I gazed at you, but now
Is it that it’s done that
Buries my heart beneath
The evening skies?

Ietaka.
924

The Right state: we would have preferred it to have been ‘is it that my heart drifts?’ (ukinuru kokoro ya). The Left state: the Right’s poem lacks faults.

In judgement: the final sections of both poems seem fine. For strict correctness, the Left should have had ‘my drifting heart does seem confused’ (ukinuru kokoro wa mayourashi), but because this would not fit with the poem, he has left it as ‘in seeming confusion’ (mayouran). The poem is fine as it is, without introducing ‘is it that my heart’ (kokoro ya). I don’t know what to make of the expression ‘to your home’ (kimigari), but ‘how may layers must the clouds pass though on the heavenly paths?’ (kumo wa iku e zo sora no kayoiji) is charming. Then again, the Right’s ‘buries my heart beneath the evening skies?’ (kokoro o uzumu yūgure no sora) has a gentle beauty about it. Thus, the round should tie.

Love VI: 10

Left (Win).
時のまに消えてたなびく白雲のしばしも人に逢ひ見てしかな

toki no ma ni
kiete tanabiku
shirakumo no
shibashi mo hito ni
aimiteshi kana
In just a moment
They vanish, wisping:
The white clouds’
Brief span
O, that I could meet her for so long!

Lord Sada’ie.
919

Right.
あくがるゝ心も空に日數へて雲に宿かる物思ひ哉

akugaruru
kokoro mo sora ni
hikazu hete
kumo ni yado karu
mono’omoi kana
Wandering from my breast
My heart within the skies
Has passed the days
Taking lodging in clouds
The focus of my thoughts…

The Supernumerary Master of the Empress Household Office.
920

The Right state: we find no faults to mention in the Left’s poem. The Left state: the Right’s poem simply re-states a famous creation by another of the Gentlemen of the Right.

In judgement: ‘taking lodging in clouds’ (kumo ni yado karu) does, indeed, sound most like something I have heard recently. Perhaps it is simply that, having heard a good phrase, the gentleman has reused it. Whatever the facts of the matter, it lacks novelty. The Left’s ‘brief span’ (shibashi mo hito ni) should win.

Love VI: 9

Left.
戀わびて心空なる浮雲や行衛も知らずはてはなるべき

koi wabite
kokoro sora naru
ukigumo ya
yukue mo shirazu
hate ha narubeki
Suffering with love
My heart is as the sky-bound
Drifting clouds:
In some unknown place
Is where it will end…

Lord Kanemune.
917

Right (Win).
戀死ぬるよはの煙の雲とならば君が宿にやわきてしぐれん

koi shinuru
yowa no kemuri no
kumo to naraba
kimi ga yado ni ya
wakite shiguren
Should I die of love, and
Final smoke
Clouds become,
To your dwelling will I
Drift and descend?

Nobusada.
918

The Right state: does the Left’s poem really expresses the love of drifting clouds? The Left state: the Right’s poem is more suited to the topic of ‘Love and Smoke’.

In judgement: with regard to the Left’s poem, Lady Sagami’s poem from the Eishō Imperial Palace Poetry Competition: ‘Before I know it/In my heart, sky-bound/is my love’ (itsu to naku/kokoro sora naru/wa ga koi ya) would be a good prior example, but this poem inserts ‘drifting clouds’ (ukigumo ya), which is illogical. As for the Right’s poem, ‘To your dwelling will I drift and descend?’ (kimi ga yado ni ya wakite shiguren) sounds fine. Thus, and for this reason, the Right wins.

 

GSIS X: 541

A poem composed after the cremation of Cloistered Retired Emperor En’yū at Murasakino, when recalling how His Majesty had travelled there for the Day of the Rat the year before.

紫野雲のかけても思ひきや春の霞になして見むとは

murasaki no
kumo no kaketemo
omoFiki ya
Faru no kasumi ni
nasite mimu to Fa
At Murasakino
Clouds covering all
Did I recall?
The haze of spring
Have they become when I see them now…

Major Captain of the Left [Fujiwara no] Asamitsu
左大将[藤原]朝光

Love V: 17

Left (Win).
悲しきは境異なる中として亡き玉までもよそに浮かれん

kanashiki wa
sakai kotonaru
naka to shite
naki tama made mo
yoso ni ukaren
How sad it is:
Beyond the borders of this life
Should our bond endure
Even your departed soul
So distant, would I trail after…

Lord Sada’ie
873

Right.
忘れずよ幾雲井とは知らねども空行月の契ばかりは

wasurezu yo
iku kumoi to wa
shiranedomo
sora yuku tsuki no
chigiri bakari wa
I will not forget!
How far beyond the clouds you are
I know not, yet
As the moon across the skies,
Is my simple vow to you…

Jakuren
874

Left and Right: no faults to mention.

In judgement: although the Left’s poem sounds a little over-familiar, it certainly does have conception. The Right’s poem does sound smooth, but the origin poem has ‘Forget me not’ (wasuru na yo) – and this has ‘I will not forget’ (wasurezu yo) – the origin poem has ‘for distant as the clouds’ (hodo wa kumoi ni) – and this has ‘how far beyond the clouds’ (iku kumoi to wa); and ‘as the moon across the skies’ (sora yuku tsuki no) is identical, so the only part which as been changed is ‘I shall return – ‘til then’ (meguri au made). It is only to be expected that it would sound good, given that it presents much of the same material in the same order. The Left should win.

SKS IX: 303

Composed when he held a poetry competition at his house.

よもすがら富士の高嶺に雲きえて清見が関にすめる月かな

yomosugara
Fudi no takane ni
kumo kiete
kiyomi ga seki ni
sumeru tuki kana
All through this night
From the mighty peak of Fuji
Have the clouds cleared, and
Above the barrier of Kiyomi
Brightly shines the moon.

Akisuke, Master of the Left Capital Office
左京大夫顕輔

Love IV: 18

Left (Win).
雲となり雨となるてふ中空の夢にも見えよ夜半ならずとも

kumo to nari
ame to naru chō
nakazora no
yume ni mo mieyo
yowa narazu tomo
Whether you become clouds, or
Whether you become rain
In the heart of the heavens
Let me glimpse you in a dream,
Though nighttime it is not…

Lord Ari’ie.
815

Right.
暮ぬ間はかゝりせばや山鳥も夜半に思ひに契り變へけん

kurenu ma wa
kakariseba ya
yamadori mo
yowa ni omoi ni
chigirikaeken
The hours with no darkness:
Is it because they are so?
As the pheasants do
At night to thoughts of love
Can we vow to turn?

Ietaka.
816

The Right state: we find no particular faults to mention. The Left state: the mention of ‘pheasants’ (yamadori) comes a bit abruptly, does it not?

In judgement: the style of the Left’s poem sounds utterly elegant and beautiful. The Right’s mention of ‘pheasants’ is unnecessary. Thus, the Left wins.

GSS III: 117

After a man who was of a mind to become a monk had travelled to Yamato province and been there for some time, when a lady whom he had known before sent to him, enquiring how the cherry blossoms had been blooming lately.

みよし野の吉野の山の桜花白雲とのみ見えまがひつゝ

miyosino no
yosino no yama no
sakurabana
sirakumo to nomi
miemagaFitutu
In fair Yoshino
On Yoshino mountain,
The cherry blossom
Simply for clouds of white
I do always mistake!

Anonymous