Left.
山人の便りなりとも岡邊なる椎の小枝は折ずもあらなむ
| yamabito no tayori naritomo okabenaru shii no koyade wa orazu mo aranamu |
For the mountain folk Essential they may be, but Upon the hillside The brushwood branches I would have them leave unbroken… |
567
Right.
山深く賤の折りたく椎柴の音さへ寒き朝ぼらけかな
| yama fukaku shizu no oritaku shiishiba no oto sae samuki asaborake kana |
Deep within the mountains Woodsmen break and burn The brushwood; That sound brings the chill To me this dawning… |
568
The Right wonder what the intention is in the Left’s poem of regretting the breakage of ‘brushwood branches’. The Left say that the Right’s poem, ‘recalls a famous poem by one of the other gentlemen of the Right.’
Shunzei’s judgement: Simply using the old-fashioned koyade in place of the more current shiishiba does not improve the sound of the poem, I think. Starting ‘Deep within the mountains’ (yama fukaku) and then continuing ‘Woodsmen break and burn’ (shizu no oritaku) – is this supposed to convey the conception of felling trees [shiba o koru kokoro ni ya]? I hardly think that if one lived in the mountains, the sound of trees being cut and burnt would make one feel the chill. The diction of ‘deep within the mountains’ does not seem appropriate [‘yama fukaku’ no kotoba, kanai mo sezaru]. Given that it does sound old-fashioned, koyade does not sound like a winner, either. The poems are of equal quality.
Left.
有明の名ばかり秋の月影に弱り果てたる蟲の聲かな
| ariake no na bakari aki no tsukikage ni yowarihatetaru mushi no koe kana |
Dawn it is in Name alone; in autumn The moonlight is At its faintest As are the insects’ songs… |
477
Right (Win).
暮れて行秋の名残も山の端に月と共にや有明の空
| kureteyuku aki no nagori mo yama no ha ni tsuki to tomo ni ya ariake no sora |
Turning to dusk, Is there a memento of autumn, too, Upon the mountains’ edge Together with the moon in The dawning skies? |
478
The Right question the Left’s use of ‘Dawn it is in name alone’ (ariake no na bakari). The Left find no fault with the Right’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: I do not feel there is anything particularly wrong with ‘name alone; in autumn’ (na bakari aki no), but the Right’s ‘Together with the moon in the dawning skies’ (tsuki to tomo ni ya ariake no sora) seems most fine [yoroshikuhaberubeshi]. Thus, the Right wins.
Left (Win).
霜結ぶ秋の末葉の小篠原風には露のこぼれしものを
| shimo musubu aki no sueba no ozasawara kaze ni wa tsuyu no koboreshi mono o |
Bound with frost Are the leaf-tips of The dwarf-bamboo grove, from where The wind flung dewdrops Once… |
467
Right.
月見れば霜に光を添へてけり秋の末葉の有明の空
| tsuki mireba shimo ni hikari o soetekeri aki no sueba no ariake no sora |
Looking at the moon, Its light the frostfall Has touched, Autumn’s last leaf From the dawning sky… |
468
The Right state that, ‘If it were ‘dewdrops flung by the wind’ (tsuyu wa kaze ni koboreshi), the conception [kokoro] of the Left’s poem would be easier to understand.’ The Left respond that, ‘The meanings of both are identical. However, in the Right’s poem it is not clear what the ‘last leaf’ (sueba) is.’
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘The Right’s poem, in addition to the expression ‘autumn’s last leaf’ having no clear referent, shows a weakness of conception [kokoro sukunaku kikoyu] with ‘looking at the moon’ (tsuki mireba). The Left, progressing from, ‘bound with frost’ (shimo musubu) to ‘leaf tips’ (sueba) and then ‘dwarf-bamboo grove’ (ozasawara) sounds most fine [yoroshiku kikokyu]. Thus, the Left must win.
Left (Tie).
さやかなる秋にもまされあはれかな月影かすむ有明の空
| sayakanaru aki no mo masare aware kana tsuki kage kasumu ariake no sora |
The clarity of Autumn, too, is splendid and Moving, indeed, I feel in The hazy moonlight from The daybreak sky. |
119
Right (Tie).
今はとてたのむの雁もうちわびぬ朧月夜の明ぼのゝ空
| ima wa tote tanomu no kari mo uchiwabinu oborozukiyo no akebono no sora |
‘Now we must return,’ The field resting geese Lament, under the Misty moonlit Dawning sky. |
120
The Right team once again rate the Left’s poem as ‘satisfying’, while the Left say the Right’s is ‘especially satisfying. ’
Shunzei’s judgement is that ‘the Left’s “hazy moonlight from the daybreak sky” (tsuki kage kasumu ariake no sora) and the Right’s “Misty moonlit dawning sky” (oborozukiyo no akebono no sora) are both splendid. It is difficult, indeed, to decide between them. Another excellent tie.’
Left.
おほかたの月もつれなき鐘の音に猶うらめしき有明の空
| ôkata no tsuki mo tsurenaki kane no oto ni nao urameshiki ariake no sora |
In general, The moon, with the heartless, Morning bell’s chime I find ever more hateful as The dawning sky. |
161
Right (Win).
下もゆるなげきの煙空に見よ今も野山の秋の夕暮
| shita moyuru nageki no keburi sora ni miyo ima mo noyama no aki no yûgure |
Burning within, My grief sends smoke into The skies – behold it Now above the mounts and plains This autumn evening! |
162
Left.
心からあくがれそめし花の香になを物思ふ春の曙
| kokoro kara akugaresomeshi hana no ka ni nao mono’omou haru no akebono |
My heart From the very first did love The blossoms’ scent, which Still, brings me to thoughts of you This spring dawning… |
157
Right (Win).
白妙の袖のわかれに露落て身にしむ色の秋風ぞ吹
| shirotae no sode no wakare ni tsuyu ochite mi ni shimu iro no aki kaze zo fuku |
White mulberry-cloth Sleeves parting: Dew dropped, The colours stain my soul, Yearning carried on the autumn wind. |
158