Tag Archives: dream

Love V: 5

Left (Tie).
言はぬ間は思ふも心九十九髪さは僞りの夢や見てまし

iwanu ma wa
omou mo kokoro
tukumogami
sa wa itsuwari no
yume ya mitemashi
While he’s said not a word,
If love in his heart
Arrived for my white hair,
Then a false dream
Would I see in truth?

Lord Kanemune.
849

Right.
戀初めし心の色に積む年は我黒髪に現れにけり

koi someshi
kokoro no iro ni
tsumu toshi wa
wa ga kurogami ni
arawarenikeri
Since I first awoke to love
The hues of passion in my heart by
The drifting years
Upon my raven tresses
Are made clear.

Nobusada.
850

The Right state: is this a reference to the recent poem ‘seeing a dream with white hair’ (yume o miru to mo tsukumogami)? The Left state: ‘drifting years’ (tsumu toshi) is grating on the ear.

In judgement: both poems refer to hair, and the Gentlemen of the Right have asked whether the Left are referring to a ‘recent poem’, and I wonder when this poem might have been composed? It is impossible to entirely avoid referring to poems which are not included in the anthologies. Needless to say, though, it is normal for one’s poems not to resemble others to a great extent. In addition, I do not feel that ‘drifting years’ is that grating on the ear. However, simply saying ‘Upon my raven tresses are made clear’ (wa ga kurogami ni arawarenikeri) does not convey a strong sense of gray hair, I think. Finally, the configuration of the Left’s ‘then a false dream’ (sa wa itsuwari no) is particularly unacceptable, I think. So, a tie.

 

Yoshinobu-shū 257

現とも夢とも見えぬ程ばかり通はばゆるせ下紐の関

ututu tomo
yume tomo mienu
Fodo bakari
kayoFaba yuruse
sitaFimo no seki
If it’s a dream, or
If it’s real, I know not, so
While I am unsure
If I should come, permit me
The barrier of  Shitahimo – your under-belt!

Ōnakatomi no Yoshinobu (921-991)
大中臣能宣

Love IV: 18

Left (Win).
雲となり雨となるてふ中空の夢にも見えよ夜半ならずとも

kumo to nari
ame to naru chō
nakazora no
yume ni mo mieyo
yowa narazu tomo
Whether you become clouds, or
Whether you become rain
In the heart of the heavens
Let me glimpse you in a dream,
Though nighttime it is not…

Lord Ari’ie.
815

Right.
暮ぬ間はかゝりせばや山鳥も夜半に思ひに契り變へけん

kurenu ma wa
kakariseba ya
yamadori mo
yowa ni omoi ni
chigirikaeken
The hours with no darkness:
Is it because they are so?
As the pheasants do
At night to thoughts of love
Can we vow to turn?

Ietaka.
816

The Right state: we find no particular faults to mention. The Left state: the mention of ‘pheasants’ (yamadori) comes a bit abruptly, does it not?

In judgement: the style of the Left’s poem sounds utterly elegant and beautiful. The Right’s mention of ‘pheasants’ is unnecessary. Thus, the Left wins.