first shower | Waka Poetry

Round Nineteen

Left (Win)

くさまくらおなじたびねのそでにまたよはのしぐれもやどはかりけり

kusamakura
onaji tabine no
sode ni mata
yowa no shigure mo
yado wa karikeri

Needing a grassy pillow
When travelling just the same as I, dozing
I find my sleeves drenched even more,
For the midnight shower, too,
Has found lodging.

Kojijū
87

Right

いほりさすやまぢはすぎぬはつしぐれふるさとまでやめぐりゆくらむ

iori sasu
yamaji wa suginu
hatsushigure
furusato made ya
meguriyukuramu

I put up my hut
Upon the mountain path that you passed by,
O, first shower!
As far as my ancient home
I wonder, will you make your way?

Lord Sanemori
88

The poem of the Left, saying ‘When travelling just the same as I dozing, / I find my sleeves drenched even more’ and then following this with ‘For the midnight shower, too, / Has found lodging’, has an extremely charming conception and configuration. In addition to the poem of the Right also having a charming conception, it begins with ‘O, first shower!’ and then continues, ‘As far as my ancient home’, which is an effective use of diction. Nevertheless, the conception of the Left’s poem is even better and it wins.

Round Fourteen

Left

こころあれやかきなくらしそはつしぐれまださしはてずしばのかりいほ

kokoro are ya
kaki na kurashi so
hatsushigure
mada sashihatezu
shiba no kari’io

Have some sympathy,
And bring no darkness,
O, first shower!
For I have yet to finish putting up
My crude brushwood hut…

Lord Suetsune
77

Right (Win)

すみよしのまつがしたねのたびまくらしぐれもかぜにききまがへつつ

sumiyoshi no
matsu ga shita ne no
tabimakura
shigure mo kaze ni
kikimagaetsutsu

At Sumiyoshi
Beneath the pines, their roots are
My journey-pillow, as
The shower, too, with the gusting wind
I hear blending together.

Takanobu
78

The Left’s latter section, which states that the poet has ‘yet to finish putting up’ his hut, has a truly charming configuration as a poem on the conception of travel, but the phrase ‘have some sympathy’ does not appear to be a conception which has prior precedent. It could be a way of expressing the emotion through the shower. As for the Right, while I do question the sound of ‘journey-pillow’, it is the case that in Cathay-style poems this appears, but what are we do to about the fact that this is not ‘pillow on my journey’, I wonder? The sequencing of ‘the shower, too, with the wind’ is pleasant, isn’t it. Thus, I make the Right the winner.