tsuki kiyomi nagamuru hito no kokoro sae kumoi ni sumeru aki no yowa kana
The moon, so pure, that Gazing folk feel Their very hearts Clearly in the heavens On an autumn midnight!
Lord Shige’ie 49
Right
のこるべきかきねの雪は先消えてほかはつもるとみゆる月かな
nokorubeki kakine no yuki wa mazu kiete hoka wa tsumoru to miyuru tsuki kana
It should be lingering On my brushwood fence, but the snow First vanishes, then Piling up elsewhere Appears moonlight!
Lord Yorimasa 50
The Left seems extremely commonplace, and simply ending ‘autumn midnight’ feels incomplete. As for the Right, what does it mean to say that ‘the snow upon my brushwood fence first vanishes’? Might it mean that because of the fence’s shadow, the moon’s light cannot be seen? It really sounds as if the poet has gone too far in his quest for unusual expressions. Then there’s ‘piling up elsewhere’ along with ‘autumn midnight’—neither of these sound superior, so it’s impossible to say which poem is.
yuku hito o nobe no obana ni manekasete iromeki tateru ominaeshi kana
Folk going by The meadows the silver grass Is made to beckon by The seductively standing Maidenflowers!
Lord Fujiwara no Suetsune, Former Junior Assistant Minister of Central Affairs 7
Right (Win)
吹くをりぞ過ぐる人をばまねきけるかぜや尾花の心なるらん
fuku ori zo suguru hito oba manekikeru kaze ya obana no kokoro naruran
When it blows, Folk passing by Are beckoned— Does the wind the silver grasses’ Heart become?
Minor Controller of the Left Fujiwara no Tamechika 8
The Left appears to have nothing remarkable about it, while the Right’s initial three sections sound clumsy, yet appear to have some degree of conception, so I would say it wins.
