Autumn
Left
秋の夜の有明にみれど久堅の月のかつらはうつろはぬかな
aki no yo no ariake ni miredo hisakata no tsuki no katsura wa utsurouwanu kana An autumn night’s
13
秋萩の花咲く比の白露は下ばのためとわきて置くべし
aki hagi no hana saku koro no shiratsuyu wa shitaba no tame to wakite okubeshi In autumn, the bush clover
14
秋風はいなばもそよとふきつめりかりみる程と成りやしぬらん
akikaze wa inaba mo soyo to fukitsumeri kari miru hodo to nari ya shinuran The autumn breeze
15
Right
銀河とわたる舟は花薄ほにいづるほどぞかげもみゆべき
ama no kawa towataru fune wa hanasusuki ho ni izuru hodo zo kage mo miyubeki Across the River of Heaven
16
女郎花さがの花をば色ながら秋をさかりといはれずもがな
ominaeshi saga no hana oba iro nagara aki o sakari to iwarezu mogana Maidenflowers:
17
小男鹿の朝たつ霧にうりふ山嶺の梢は色こかりけり
saoshika no asa tatsu kiri ni urifuyama mine no kozue wa iro kokarikeri Stags
18
Wisteria blooming by a river bank
Left
sadamenaku fuku kaze nareba ikemizu no kishi o megurite yosuru Fujinami Inconstant is
Fujiwara no Munenari
Right
藤なみのかからぬ岸のなければやこぎくる舟のよるひまのなき
fujinami no kakaranu kishi no nakereba ya kogikuru fune no yoru hima no naki Untouched by wisteria waves
Lesser Superintendant Fujiwara no Sadamitsu
Boats 船
風はやきながとのうらの舟よりもとまりさだめぬ我が身なりけり
kaze hayaki Swift, the wind from
Daishin
Boats 船
わたつ海にただよふ舟のうきしづみそこをとまりとなきぞわびしき
wata tsu umi ni Upon the broad sea sweep
Higo
Boats 船
にほてるややばせの渡りする舟をいくたびみつつせたのはし守
nioteru ya On the shining Sea of Grebes
Kanemasa
Boats 船
くもつよりすすめぐりするこし舟のおきこぎさかるほのぼのにみゆ
kumotsu yori From Kumotsu
Nakazane
Boats 船
osoroshi ya O, how frightening!
Akinaka
Seafolk 泉郎
かのきしにわたりつきぬるあまを舟いかにのりえてうれしかるらん
kano kishi ni To yonder shore
Higo
Left (Win)
tare to naku To no one
A Servant Girl
Right
izukata o Whither
Jakuren
Both Left and Right together state: neither poem is bad.
In judgement: both poems seem elegant in configuration and diction, but the Right’s ‘girl from Naniwa’ (naniwame) raises the same issue as ‘diving girl’, only more so – there is not even evidence on this from inclusion in the Collection of Poems to Sing, is there? The Left’s ‘cleaving, they return; pillowed on the waves’ (yosete wa kaeru namimakura) really does seem like a pleasure girl, so I must say it is superior.
Left (Win)
kokoro kayou Her heart goes out
Lord Sada’ie
Right
fune no uchi Within a boat,
Lord Tsune’ie
As the previous round.
In judgement: the use of ‘surely’ (sashite) in the final section of the Left’s poem sounds like it has been deliberately used to evoke a connection with the earlier ‘boat’ (fune). The initial section of the Right’s poem draws, yet again, on Mochitoki’s over-long line. The latter section also sounds like a deliberate use of evocative language, and the final line lacks impact. It is inferior to the Left’s poem.
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'Simply moving and elegant'