aki no yo no ariake ni miredo hisakata no tsuki no katsura wa utsurouwanu kana An autumn night’s Dawn I see, yet The eternal Moon’s silver trees Show no sign of fading!
aki hagi no hana saku koro no shiratsuyu wa shitaba no tame to wakite okubeshi In autumn, the bush clover Flowers bloom—just then Silver dewdrops For the under-leaves Do fall, marking every one.
akikaze wa inaba mo soyo to fukitsumeri kari miru hodo to nari ya shinuran The autumn breeze Seems to rustle the rice stalks As it blows; Seeing if ‘tis time to reap them— Is that what it is, I wonder?
ama no kawa towataru fune wa hanasusuki ho ni izuru hodo zo kage mo miyubeki Across the River of Heaven A boat goes ferrying: When the silver grass Ears burst into bloom, Can its shape be seen.
ominaeshi saga no hana oba iro nagara aki o sakari to iwarezu mogana Maidenflowers: Blossoms from Saga Reveal their hues, and In autumn are most fine—that Goes without saying!
saoshika no asa tatsu kiri ni urifuyama mine no kozue wa iro kokarikeri Stags Within the rising morning mist on Urifu Moutain, where The treetops on the peak Have taken darker hues.
Wisteria blooming by a river bank
sadamenaku fuku kaze nareba ikemizu no kishi o megurite yosuru Fujinami Inconstant is The gusting wind, so By the pondwater’s Bank and all along it Break wisteria waves…
Fujiwara no Munenari
fujinami no kakaranu kishi no nakereba ya kogikuru fune no yoru hima no naki Untouched by wisteria waves Such a bank Is there not one? Come rowing, the boats Have not a moment to make shore.
Lesser Superintendant Fujiwara no Sadamitsu
kaze hayaki nagato no ura no fune yori mo tomarisadamenu wa ga mi narikeri Swift, the wind from Nagato Beach sends A boat but more Uncertain of my resting place Am I…
wata tsu umi ni tadayou fune no ukishizumi soko o tomari to naki zo wabishiki Upon the broad sea sweep The drifting boats both Float and sink – That there they will not always remain is Indeed, depressing!
nioteru ya yabase no watari suru fune o iku tabi mitsutsu seta no hashimori On the shining Sea of Grebes From Yabase crossing go The ferry boats – How many times has he watched them, The bridge-guard at Seta?
kumotsu yori susu megurisuru koshibune no oki kogisakaru honobono ni miyu From Kumotsu Around to Susu go The boats from Koshi, Rowing further into the offing Only faintly to be seen.
Boats 船 おそろしやともへはしりそ波間行くあかしを舟のあからめなせそ
osoroshi ya tomoe hashiri so namima yuku akashi o fune no akarame na se so O, how frightening! Bows and sterns, don’t race so Between the breakers go The lights – so from the boats Take not your wayward gaze!
kano kishi ni wataritsukinuru ama o fune ika ni noriete ureshikaruran To yonder shore Have crossed The fisher-folk; their boats— How might I board them, and Feel the selfsame joy?
tare to naku yosete wa kaeru namimakura ukitaru fune no ato mo todomezu To no one Cleaving, they return; Pillowed on the waves The drifting boats’ Wakes fail to linger long…
A Servant Girl 1151
izukata o mitemo shinobamu naniwame no ukine no ato ni kiyuru shiranami Whither Should I look in longing? With a girl from Naniwa I slept briefly, but her Wake vanishes among the whitecaps…
Both Left and Right together state: neither poem is bad.
In judgement: both poems seem elegant in configuration and diction, but the Right’s ‘girl from Naniwa’ (naniwame) raises the same issue as ‘diving girl’, only more so – there is not even evidence on this from inclusion in the Collection of Poems to Sing, is there? The Left’s ‘cleaving, they return; pillowed on the waves’ (yosete wa kaeru namimakura) really does seem like a pleasure girl, so I must say it is superior.
kokoro kayou yukiki no fune no nagame ni mo sashite ka bakari mono wa omowaji Her heart goes out On the back-and-forth of boats That fill her gaze, but Surely her Thoughts will not be as mine…
Lord Sada’ie 1149
fune no uchi nami no ue naru ukine ni wa tachikaeru tote sode zo nurekeru Within a boat, Atop the waves I sleep but briefly and When I am to leave, How soaked are my sleeves…
Lord Tsune’ie 1150
As the previous round.
In judgement: the use of ‘surely’ (sashite) in the final section of the Left’s poem sounds like it has been deliberately used to evoke a connection with the earlier ‘boat’ (fune). The initial section of the Right’s poem draws, yet again, on Mochitoki’s over-long line. The latter section also sounds like a deliberate use of evocative language, and the final line lacks impact. It is inferior to the Left’s poem.