Left (Win).
わが宿の庭こそ暗くなりにけれ楢の廣葉の陰やそふらん
| wa ga yado no niwa koso kuraku narinikere nara no hiroha no kage ya souran |
My lodging’s Garden much darker Has become; Have the broad-leaved oaks Laid shadows down? |
189
Right.
紅葉ゆへ植へし梢のあさみどり色には秋を思ふのみかは
| momiji yue ueshi kozue no asamidori iro ni wa aki o omou nomi ka wa |
For scarlet leaves I planted trees – tops now Pale green; For the hues of autumn Alone I hope no longer. |
190
The Right state bluntly, ‘Using ‘darker’ (kuraku) in this poem is highly vulgar!’ But the Left snap back, ‘Composing with “darker” is completely commonplace.’ They have no comments to make about the Right’s poem.
Shunzei remarks, ‘The Left’s “garden much darker” (niwa koso kuraku) has nothing problematic about it. “Broad-leaved oaks” (nara no hiroha), although a commonplace expression, is undesirable here. The purport of the Right’s “for the hues of autumn” (iro ni wa aki o) seems rather contrived, yet one wonders if “scarlet leaves” (momiji yue) might not be concealed beneath the “broad-leaved oaks”! The Left’s poem, being more unaffected, wins.’