On Felicitations and Pines.
たづのゐるながらのはまのはま松のまつとはなしに千世をこそふれ
| tazu no iru nagara no hama no hamamatsu no matsu to wa nashi ni chiyo o koso fure | Cranes rest Upon the long beach at Nagara, where Beach-pines Pine not through A thousand ages passing! |
657
Tag Archives: hama
Kinkai wakashū 656
たづのゐるながらのはまの浜風に万代かけて波ぞよすなる
| tazu no iru nagara no hama no hamakaze ni yorozuyo kakete nami zo yosu naru | Cranes rest Upon the long beach at Nagara, where With the beach-breeze O’er ten thousand ages The waves roll in![i] |
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[i] See: Topic unknown. おきつかぜ夜半にふくらし難波がたあか月かけて浪ぞよすなる oki tsu kaze / yowa ni fukurashi / naniwagata / akatsuki kakete / nami zo yosu naru ‘The wind from out the offing / Has blown throughout the night, it seems: / At Naniwa Inlet / With the break of dawn / The waves roll in!’ Supernumerary Middle Counsellor Sadayori (Shinkokinshū XVII: 1597); and: Composed on the bridge at Nagara. 春の日のながらのはまに舟とめていづれか橋と問へどこたへぬ haru no hi no / nagara no hama ni / fune tomete / izure ka hashi to / toedo kotaenu ‘In the springtime sun / At the beach of Nagara / I halted my boat; / ‘Where is the bridge?’ I / Asked, yet answer came there none.’ Dharma Master Egyō (Shinkokinshū XVII: 1595)
Eien narabō uta’awase 34
Round Six
Left (Win)
うれしさはおほつのはまにたつなみのかずもしられぬきみがみよかな
| ureshisa wa ōtsu no hama ni tatsu nami no kazu mo shirarenu kimi ga miyo kana | My joy is Great, as upon Ōtsu Beach Break waves In numbers quite unknown, Such is my Lord’s reign most fair! |
Cell of Fragrant Cloud
67
Right
かすがやまみねのしらがしよろづよをきみにといへばかみもいさめず
| kasugayama mine no shiragashi yorozuyo o kimi ni to ieba kami mo isamezu | Kasuga Mountain has White-barked evergreen oaks upon its peak: ‘Ten thousand generations For my Lord!’—should I say that, The God will surely not refuse! |
Cell of Compassionate Light
68
The poem of the Left’s ‘Great, as upon Ōtsu Beach’ and what follows is something that sounds grievously prosaic. With that said, there are many parts of the poem which are not. What is the poem of the Right’s ‘White-barked evergreen oaks on its peak / Ten thousand generations’ linked with in the remainder of the poem? I wonder what it’s composed about… The Left doesn’t contain any errors, so I still say it wins.
The Left’s poem, as I have said in an earlier round, appears to lack smoothness. Is the poem of the Right’s ‘white-barked evergreen oaks’ a long-standing expression? I can’t seem to recall a prior precedent. ‘The God will surely not refuse’ is vague, too. Is it asking the deity’s favour for the speaker? While I am somewhat hesitant, given my appallingly constricted knowledge, I will, fearfully, say that this is inferior.
Eien narabō uta’awase 32
Round Four
Left
うちむれていはねにねざすこまつばのきぎのちとせはきみぞかぞへむ
| uchimurete iwane ni nezasu komatsuba no kigi no chitose wa kimi zo kazoemu | Crowding At the crags’ foot, roots stretching, The dwarf pines’ needles with The trees’ thousand years— My Lord may count them all! |
Cell of the Fragrant Elephant
63
Right (Win)
たとふべきものこそなけれ君がよははまのまさごもかずなからめや
| tatoubeki mono koso nakere kimi ga yo wa hama no masago mo kazu nakarame ya | A suitable metaphor Is there none, at all! My Lord’s reign: Even the fair sands on the shore Would not exceed its number… |
Cell of Everlasting Truth
64
Both of the Left poem’s expressions, ‘crowding’ and ‘dwarf pines’ needles’, seem to sound awkward. ‘Crowding’ is used of cranes, while it would have been preferable to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’. The poem of the Right is not especially charming, but it is in a familiar style, so I feel that ‘the fair sands’ number’ is superior.
I feel that ‘crowding’ is better applied to human beings. Perhaps there’s a conception here of looking down on each and every one? This is a mistake, isn’t it? In addition, what is ‘dwarf pines’ needles’? Maybe the poet is trying to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’? Is there a prior poem as precedent? It’s a piece of awkward-sounding diction! The Right’s poem appears straightforward, but without errors.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 36
Round Twelve
Left (T – Win)
わが恋はたかしの浜にゐる田鶴の尋ねてゆかん方もおぼえず
| wa ga koi wa takashi no hama ni iru tazu no tazuneteyukan kata mo oboezu | My love is Upon Takashi Beach A resting crane— He will go a’visting, but Where? No one knows… |
Lord Tamezane
71
Right (M – Win)
あふことのたのむる人のなきときはよをうき物と思ひぬるかな
| au koto no tanomuru hito no naki toki wa yo o uki mono to omoinuru kana | To meet with me Is there no one I can trust— At such times The world is such a cruel place I feel! |
Lord Tokimasa
72
Toshiyori states: the poems of both Left and Right seem to be of about the same standard. The first poem displays slightly better technique, but there’s nothing to point out about it. The later poem doesn’t do anything. I would say ‘A resting crane— / He will go a’visiting’ wins.
Mototoshi states: as for the poem about ‘My love is / Upon Takashi Beach’: it really seems to me that if you mention Takashi – heights – then you need to mention waves. After all, in reply to Tadafusa Tsurayuki composed, ‘The waves offshore / Rise high; on the beach at Takashi’, and while there are many beaches, I recklessly feel its mistaken not to have waves linked with Takashi Beach—although, of course, this may be a failing of my elderly mind. The poem of the Right’s ‘feeling in a cruel place’ seems a bit smoother in the current context.
