Left.
月を見てしばし思も忘られき晝間ぞ戀の慰めはなき
tsuki o mite
shibashi omoi mo
wasurareki
hiruma zo koi no
nagusame wa naki |
Gazing at the moon
Briefly my sadness
I did forget; but
In the daylight, love is
No consolation, at all. |
Lord Suetsune.
811
Right (Win).
傾かぬ妹が心に日影かな中空にのみ物思ひし
katabukanu
imo ga kokoro ni
hikage kana
nakazora ni nomi
mono’omoi shite |
Not inclining is
My darling’s heart,
Just like this sunshine;
Upon the height of the heavens
Dwell my gloomy thoughts… |
Nobusada.
812
The Right state: the Left’s poem has only ‘daylight’ (hiruma) and no other associated images, which makes it unpleasant on the ear. The Left state: we wonder about ‘Not inclining is my darling’ (katabukanu imo).
In judgement: in addition to the lack of associated images with ‘daylight’, the content of the initial line seems insufficient. Although the Right’s ‘not inclining is my darling’ is a little unclear, it seems as if her feelings are unmoved in any way. This is certainly seems like the conception of the sun being fixed overhead at noon, so the Right should win.
Left.
ひとり寢の袖の名殘の朝じめり日影に消えぬ露もありけり
hitorine no
sode no nagori no
asajimeri
hikage ni kienu
tsuyu mo arikeri |
Sleeping solo
My sleeves remain
Damp in the morning;
The sunlight leaves untouched
The dewfall there. |
A Servant Girl.
803
Right (Win).
道芝を分けて露けき袖ならば濡れても暮を待たまし物を
michishiba o
wakete tsuyukeki
sode naraba
nuretemo kure mo
matamashi mono o |
If the roadside grasses,
Have brushed dewfall
On these sleeves,
May to dampen them again, ‘til evening
I would wish to wait… |
Ietaka.
804
The Right state: we find no faults in the Left’s poem. The Left state: there is a very recent poem, ‘If he would be wet with waves should surely wait for evening?’.
In judgement: simply saying, ‘Sleeping solo my sleeves remain damp in the morning’ (hitorine no sode no nagori no asajimeri) seems to lack the conception of love. I wonder who might have written the ‘recent poem’, ‘If he would be wet with waves should surely wait for evening?’ mentioned by the Right? How, indeed, can we avoid poems which are not in the anthologies? In any case, the poem here is ‘May to dampen them again, ‘til evening I would wish to wait’ and the initial line is different. This level of resemblance between poems is not uncommon. The Right’s poem is pleasant. It should win.
Left.
空晴れて山の端出づる日影にも乾きもやらぬ袖の上かな
sora harete
yama no ha izuru
hikage ni mo
kawaki mo yaranu
sode no ue kana |
The sky clears and
From the mountains’ edge appears
The sunlight, yet
It cannot even dry
The surface of my sleeves… |
Lord Ari’ie.
797
Right (Win).
澤に出て朝菜摘むとも覺えぬあやしきほどに濡るゝ袖哉
sawa ni idete
asana tsumu
tomo oboenu
ayashiki hodo ni
nururu sode kana |
Going out to the marshes and
Gathering greens for breakfast –
I cannot recall at all;
How strange it is that
My sleeves are then so drenched… |
Lord Tsune’ie.
798
The Right state: we find no faults to mention in the Left’s poem. The Left state: recalling gathering greens for breakfast is something one can do in the afternoon or the evening. In addition, ‘I cannot recall’ (oboenu) is prosaic in content.
In judgement: the Left’s poem simply says that the sunlight is unable to dry one’s sleeves, and contains little conception of love. The Right’s ‘sleeves’ sound as if they have been most extraordinarily drenched, so the Right should win.
Left.
人目こそ離れも果てなめ山里に日影も見えず霙降るころ
hitome koso
kare mo hatename
yamazato ni
hikage mo miezu
mizore furu koro |
The bustle of folk
Seems so far away,
In a mountain home
Where no sunlight but
Sleet does fall… |
Lord Ari’ie.
521
Right (Win).
かき曇りみぞるゝ空や冴えそめて氷も果てぬ時雨なるらん
kakikumori
mizoruru sora ya
saesomete
kōri mo hatenu
shigure naruran |
Gathering clouds,
Sleeting, fill the sky;
The first chill of
Endless ice
In the coming shower… |
Ietaka.
522
The Right state that they are unable to understand the point of ‘Sleet does fall’ (mizore furu koro). The Left state that ‘sleeting’ (mizoruru) is grating on the ear [kikinikushi]. In addition, the initial 5-7-5 structure is inconsistent [kiregire nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: In the Left’s poem what is the problem with understanding ‘sleet does fall’? However, what I would want it to say next is that the sunlight always falls. In the Right’s poem, one could have said ‘sleeted sky’ (mizoreshi sora), but ‘sleeting sky’ is also unproblematic [nan ni oyobubekarazu]. ‘Endless ice in the coming shower’ (kōri mo hatenu shigure naruran) is an unusual conception [kokoro mezurashiku], and ‘the first chill’ (saesomete) is also well positioned. The Right is slightly better and should win.
Left.
打ち寄する浪より秋の龍田川さても忘れぬ柳陰かな
uchiyosuru
nami yori aki no
tatsutagawa
satemo wasurenu
yanagikage kana |
Approaching on
The waves, comes autumn to
The Tatsuta River;
And yet, I cannot forget
The willows’ shade. |
A Servant Girl.
311
Right.
秋淺き日影に夏は殘れども暮るゝ籬は荻の上風
aki asaki
hikage ni natsu wa
nokoredomo
kururu magaki wa
ogi no uwakaze |
Faintly autumnal is
The sunlight, with summer
Yet remaining;
At evening by the rough-woven fence
Blows a breeze o’er the silver-grass. |
Nobusada.
312
The Right say the Left’s poem is ‘particularly good.’ The Left state that, ‘“Faintly autumnl” (aki asaki) grates on the ear, and we also cannot grasp the use of “evening by the rough-woven fence” (kururu magaki).’
Shunzei states, ‘The Left’s “approaching on the waves” (nami yori aki no), seems particularly charming, but when taken together with “willows’ shade” (yanagi kade)– the Tatsuta River has long been the subject of composition on “flowing scarlet autumn leaves”, and even now this gives a slightly poetic effect; “willows’ shade” has been used in composition, both in ancient times and more recently, but does it not seem commonplace now? The Right’s poem is in the same vein as that of the Right in Round One Hundred and Fifty-Two, yet I do not find “faintly autumnal” to be unpleasant. “Evening by the rough-woven fence”, too, has charm. The Left’s poem has vocabulary in accordance with the contents; the Right unusual expressions. In this combination, the round must tie.’
'Simply moving and elegant'