[1]Shinsenzaishū XII: 1251/This poem is also included in Mandaishū (XII: 2360) with the headnote, ‘A poem from the Poetry Contest in One Hundred Rounds held by the Tōin Empress’.
[2] A minor variant of this poem, with a headnote attributing it to this contest, appears in Shokukokinshū (XI: 1038): よそにみし人におもひをつけそめてこころからこそしたにこがるれ yoso ni mishi / hito ni omoi o / tsukesomete / kokoro kara koso / shita ni kogarure ‘Casually did I see / Her, and the fires of passion / First ignited; / From within my heart, / I secretly smoulder.’
The Right state: we find no particular faults to mention. The Left state: we wonder about the appropriateness of placing one’s trust in dreams during the daytime. Was he having a nap?
In judgement: the conception of the Left’s poem is well developed from beginning to end. The Right’s poem has an elegant configuration, but it is unacceptable to have the speaker napping. However, the Left’s ‘Why is it that’ (ika ni ko wa) is unsatisfactory style. I have to say the poems are equal and tie.
The Right state: while ‘shadowed’ (kakikurasu) is a normal turn of phrase, we find ‘tears shadowing my sight’ (kurasu namida) to be unsatisfactory. The Left state: we wonder about the appropriateness of using shio no hiru ma alone for a play on words with hiru.
In judgement: The Left’s ‘That the hours had flown so fast I did forget’ (hima yuku koma mo wasurarete) gives the impression that the conception of the poem ought to be of waiting for dusk, but ‘First, the tears shadowing my sight I should suppress’ (kurasu namida o mazu osauran) seems to be something entirely different. As for the Right’s ‘Even when the beach is daytime dry my sleeves are soaked’ (shio no hiru ma mo sode wa nurekeri), I ask you, how can you think daytime isn’t a part of the phrase? The Right must win.