Left (Win)
よそにても君をし三輪の市ならば行かふ賤に立もをくれじ
yoso nite mo kimi o shi miwa no ichi naraba yukikau shizu ni tachi mo okureji | Far away At Miwa Market Had I met you, The peasants going back and forth Would not be arriving late… |
Lord Ari’ie
1197
Right
住わびて世をふる道は知らるとも難波の蘆のかりにだに見ん
sumiwabite yo o furu michi wa shiraru tomo naniwa no ashi no kari ni dani min | Life is hard, as it is To make one’s way I know, yet At Naniwa the reeds I reap for a brief glimpse of you… |
Jakuren
1198
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults to indicate. The Left state: the Right’s poem is not bad.
In judgement: the Left’s ‘at Miwa had I met you’ (kimi o shi miwa no) is elegant, but the final section is lacks force. The Right’s reaping reeds at Naniwa has only a faint sense of a merchant. Thus, the Left’s ‘Miwa Market’ (miwa no ichi) wins.
Left (Win)
恋しさに逢ことかへむ市もがなつれなき人の心をも見ん
koishisa ni au koto kaemu ichi mo gana tsurenaki hito no kokoro o mo min | With love to Meet and trade – If only there were such a market! Then that cruel one’s Heart I might find there! |
Lord Kanemune
1191
Right
商人の舟の昔を思ふにも恨みは深き涙なりけり
akibito no fune no mukashi o omou ni mo urami wa fukaki namida narikeri | On a merchant’s Boat, in thoughts Of long ago, My despair is deep As my tears. |
Nobusada
1192
The Right state: while the Left’s poem refers to a market, it has no merchant. The Left state: ‘a merchant’s boat’ (akibito no fune) is punted, and the lute is plucked.
In judgement: in regard to the Left’s poem, the Gentlemen of the Right’s criticism is that ‘it refers to a market but has no merchant’. ‘With love to meet and trade’ (koishisa ni au koto kaemu) – that suggests a merchant. There is no cause to look elsewhere for an entirely different one! With regard to the Right’s poem, the Left have their own criticism that ‘a merchant’s boat is punted, and a lute is plucked.’ This is, indeed, a most amusing form of words, but I wonder if such levity is appropriate. This poem sounds as if a merchant’s customer is on board his boat, thinking of the past, and listening to the merchant’s wife play the lute. However, while the playing of the lute long ago is evoked, the conception of today’s love lacks clarity. The Left’s poem should win.
Left
あひそめて後は飾磨の市にても夜がれがちをばかへじとぞ思ふ
aisomete nochi wa shikama no ichi nite mo yogaregachi o ba kaeji to zo omou | First dyed with indigo, and flushed with love, Then to Shikama Market as Night’s dark cloth, only occasionally Will he return I fear… |
Kenshō
1189
Right (Win)
尋ばやほのかに三輪の市に出て命にかふるしるしありやと
tazuneba ya honoka ni miwa no ichi ni iedete inochi ni kauru shirushi ari ya to | I would pay a visit to one I briefly glimpsed at Miwa Market – leaving My life I would exchange Were there to be a sign from her? |
Lord Takanobu
1190
The Right state: both of the latter sections of the Left’s poem are extremely informal. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults, but we do wonder about the appropriateness of ‘exchange for a sign’ (kauru shirushi).
In judgement: ‘first dyed with indigo’ (aisomete), ‘Shikama Market’ (shikama no ichi) and ‘night’s dark cloth’ (yogaregachi) – all of these sound evocative. Following ‘I briefly glimpsed at Miwa Market’ (honoka ni miwa no ichi) with ‘exchange’ (kauru) sounds rather abrupt, but saying, ‘were there to be a sign’ (shirushi ari ya) at Miwa Market does not sound pointless. Generally speaking, on the Way of Poetry, poems whose conception is plainly expressed do not consider their diction, while poems which place weight upon their diction lack a clear conception. Poems which attempt to fully express their configuration are often at variance from the topic – all this is well known. The Left’s poem has a poor final section. The Right wins.
'Simply moving and elegant'