Tag Archives: Ietaka

Love VII: 10

Left (Tie).
雲井まで續きて見ゆわたつ海の行衛知られぬ物思かな

kumoi made
tsuzukite miyu
wata tsu umi no
yukue shirarenu
mono’omoi kana
Beyond the clouds
My gaze goes on and on;
The endless sea:
What lies beyond is unknown
As my gloomy thoughts…

Lord Suetsune.
979

Right.
伊勢の海の潮瀬にさはぐさざれ石の砕けて物を思ふ比かな

ise no umi no
shiose ni sawagu
sazare’ishi no
kudakete mono o
omou koro kana
The sea at Ise:
Raging rapids with the tides,
Where pebbles
Shatter, gloom
Filling my thoughts these days…

Ietaka.
980

The Right state: the Left’s poem is clichéd. The Left state: the Right’s poem is that of Shigeyuki.

In judgement: the Left’s poem is clichéd, but in addition to this uses ‘goes on and on’ (tsuzukite), which is not something one should say. The Right’s poem is, indeed, overly close to Shigeyuki’s, so both Left and Right poem are deficient and lacking in any element allowing a win.

Love VII: 2

Left.
我戀に深さくらへば外山哉吉野の奧の岩のかけ道

wa ga koi ni
fukasa kuraeba
toyama kana
yoshino no oku no
iwa no kakemichi
My love’s
Depth were you to measure,
Distant mountains, perhaps?
As in the heart of Yoshino, where
The craggy paths are overgrown!

Lord Ari’ie.
963

Right (Win).
ふみ見ても馴れぬけしきのつれなさや吉野の奧の岩のかけ道

fumi mitemo
narenu keshiki no
tsurenasa ya
yoshino no oku no
iwa no kakemichi
She read my letter – I treading on paths unknown –
And cared not – an unfamiliar scene –
Is her cruelty
As in the heart of Yoshino, where
The craggy paths are overgrown?

Ietaka.
964

The Right state: in the Left’s poem, the expression ‘distant mountains, perhaps’ (toyama kana) sounds poor. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults to mention.

In judgement: both Left and Right have precisely identical sections: ‘as in the heart of Yoshino’ (yoshino no oku) and ‘craggy paths are overgrown’ (iwa no kakemichi), but considering the initial sections, it has already been stated that the Left’s sounds poor, while the Right lacks faults. Thus, in accordance with the remarks by the Gentlemen of both teams, the Right is the winner.

Love VI: 29

Left (Win).
忍びかね心の空に立つ煙見せばや富士の峰にまがへて

shinobikane
kokoro no sora ni
tatsu kemuri
miseba ya fuji no
mine ni magaete
I can bear no more:
Into the heavens of my heart
Smoke rises;
I would show her it is of Fuji’s
Peak an image!

A Servant Girl.
957

Right.
富士の嶺の煙も猶ぞ立のぼる上なき物は思ひなりけり

fuji no ne no
kemuri mo nao zo
tachinoboru
ue naki mono wa
omoi narikeri
The peak of Fuji:
Smoke yet
Rises there;
Higher than the highest is
My love.

Ietaka.
958

The Right state: we wonder about the meaning of ‘heavens of my heart’ (kokoro no sora). In reply, the Left: this is the same conception as the poem ‘into the heavens of my heart emerges the moon’. In reply, the Right: what is the point in using the smoke from Fuji as a metaphor? It seems as if the focus of the poem is the smoke. Furthermore, why have smoke rising in your heart without the smoke of passion? The Left state: the Right’s poem seems good.

In judgement: the Gentlemen of the competition seems to have sagaciously criticised the faults of the Left’s poem, but ‘I would show her it is of Fuji’s peak an image!’ (miseba ya fuji no mine ni magaete) is charming in configuration and diction. The Right’s poem, too, in the final section is elegant in configuration. However, I must make the Left the winner.

 

Love VI: 23

Left (Win).
さはらずは今宵ぞ君を頼むべき袖には雨の時わかねども

sawarazu wa
koyoi zo kimi o
tanomubeki
sode ni wa ame no
toki wakanedomo
If you were unhindered
On this night, then, my love,
In you I could trust;
But on my sleeves the rain
Falls without surcease…

Lord Sada’ie.
945

Right.
來ぬ人を待つ夜更け行秋の雨は袖にのみ降る心地こそすれ

konu hito o
matsu yo fukeyuku
aki no ame wa
sode ni nomi furu
kokochi koso sure
When a man who fails to come
Is awaited and the night grows late,
The autumn rain
Falls on my sleeves, alone –
That is what I feel!

Ietaka.
946

The Right state: the phrase ‘if you were unhindered’ (sawarazu wa) sounds poor. The Left state: the Right have simply composed a poem just like Lord Yorimasa’s君戀ふとながめあかせる夜の雨は袖にしも降る心地こそすれ kimi kou to / nagame akaseru / yoru no ame wa / sode ni shimo furu / kokochi koso sure ‘That you love me / I have heard enough / This night when the rain / Upon my sleeves especially does fall – / That is what I feel!’.

In judgement: the Left are said to have a poor-sounding phrase, and the Right to have referred to Yorimasa’s poem. That it is difficult to entirely avoid to referring poems outside of the anthologies is something which people still seem to be unable to remember, but the Gentlemen of the Left have recalled this well. The final section of the Right’s poem does bear an uncanny resemblance to Yorimasa’s poem. If there should be a prior example of a phrase’s use, then while it maybe poor-sounding, the Left should win.

Love VI: 12

Left (Tie).
君がりと浮きぬる心まよふらん雲はいくへぞ空の通ひ路

kimigari to
ukinuru kokoro
mayouran
kumo wa iku e zo
sora no kayoiji
To your home
Drifts my heart
In seeming confusion;
How may layers must the clouds
Pass though on the heavenly paths?

A Servant Girl.
923

Right.
思やるながめも今は絶えぬとや心をうづむ夕暮の雲

omoiyaru
nagame mo ima wa
taenu to ya
kokoro o uzumu
yūgure no sora
Lost in thought
I gazed at you, but now
Is it that it’s done that
Buries my heart beneath
The evening skies?

Ietaka.
924

The Right state: we would have preferred it to have been ‘is it that my heart drifts?’ (ukinuru kokoro ya). The Left state: the Right’s poem lacks faults.

In judgement: the final sections of both poems seem fine. For strict correctness, the Left should have had ‘my drifting heart does seem confused’ (ukinuru kokoro wa mayourashi), but because this would not fit with the poem, he has left it as ‘in seeming confusion’ (mayouran). The poem is fine as it is, without introducing ‘is it that my heart’ (kokoro ya). I don’t know what to make of the expression ‘to your home’ (kimigari), but ‘how may layers must the clouds pass though on the heavenly paths?’ (kumo wa iku e zo sora no kayoiji) is charming. Then again, the Right’s ‘buries my heart beneath the evening skies?’ (kokoro o uzumu yūgure no sora) has a gentle beauty about it. Thus, the round should tie.

Love VI: 4

Left.
物思ふと月ゆへならで月を見て幾夜くもらぬ空もくもりぬ

mono’omou to
tsuki yue narade
tsuki o mite
ikuyo kumoranu
sora mo kumorinu
My gloomy thoughts
Are not for the moon;
The moon I saw
For many nights, unclouded,
The skies, now clouded.

Lord Ari’ie.
907

Right (Win).
いかにして殘る心のありければ人をうらみて月を見るらん

ika ni shite
nokoru kokoro no
arikereba
hito o uramite
tsuki o miruran
What is it that
In my heart remains
That
Hating her
I gaze upon the moon?

Ietaka.
908

The Right state: we find no faults to mention in the Left’s poem. The Left state: the Right’s poem is outstandingly good.

In judgement: it has been stated that the Left’s poem lacks faults, but having ‘Are not for the moon; the moon I saw’ (tsuki yue narade tsuki o mite), ‘unclouded’ (kumoranu) and then ‘clouded’ (kumorinu) is a superfluity of similar vocabulary, which is most disquieting. I wonder, too, the basis on which the Right’s poem can be judged outstandingly good? ‘In my heart remains that’ (nokoru kokoro no arikereba) sounds like a most unacceptable configuration, and overall, I am unable to grasp its meaning. Thus, I will judge according to the Gentlemen of the Left’s remarks, and make the Right the winner.

Love V: 27

Left (Tie).
思ひをく人ある身にはやがてこの旅の道こそ戀路なりけれ

omoi’oku
hito aru mi ni wa
yagate kono
tabi no michi koso
koiji narikere
Leaving behind one
In my thoughts, for me
All these
Roads I tread are but
The paths of love…

Lord Kanemune
893

Right.
變り行く涙の色ぞあはれなる草の枕の日數知られて

kawariyuku
namida no iro zo
awarenaru
kusa no makura no
hikazu shirarete
The shifting
Teardrops’ shades
Touch me deeply;
Pillowed on the grasses
And thinking on the days away…

Ietaka
894

Both Left and Right say together:   we can see no  faults to mention.

In judgement: the Left’s poem is charming in style. The conception of the Right’s  ‘teardrops’ shades’ (namida no iro) shifting is elegant, but  both poems seem to be simply lamenting that one has gone on a journey, and there is little conception of love in them. They are equivalent and the round should tie.

Love V: 23

Left (Tie).
隔てける籬の島のわりなきに住む甲斐なしや千賀の塩釜

hedatekeru
magaki no shima no
warinasa ni
sumu kai nashi ya
chika no shiogama
Barring our way is
The fence – Magaki Isle:
So unreasonable
That living close is pointless, as if
We were at Chika’s salt-kilns!

Kenshō
885

Right.
忍ぶ草竝ぶ軒端の夕暮に思ひをかはすさゝがにの糸

shinobugusa
narabu nokiba no
yūgure ni
omoi o kawasu
sasagani no ito
A weeping fern lies
Between our almost touching eaves;
In the evening
Love will pass
Along the spider’s thread.

Ietaka
886

The Right state: the Left’s ‘Magaki Isle’ (magaki no shima) and ‘Chika’s salt kiln’s’ (chika no shiogama) do not seem that nearby, do they? They only evoke closeness through wordplay. The Right state: we find no faults to indicated in the Left’s poem.

In judgement: the Left’s ‘Magaki Isle’ and ‘Chika’s salt kilns’, even if they are not that close, do not display a lack of technique in the conception of the current composition. I do wonder what to think about ‘so unreasonable’ (warinasa ni), though. The Right’s weeping ferns, with the spider’s behaviour transmitting the feelings of love, does not seem unreasonable either. This round, too, the poems are comparable and should tie.

Love V: 16

Left.
思ひこそ千島の奥を隔てねどえぞ通はさぬ壺の碑

omoi koso
chishima no oku o
hedatenedo
ezo kayowasanu
tsubo no ishibumi
My love
Has not the Thousand Islands
Barring it, yet
The barbarians cannot pass
The Stone at Tsubo – nor can I write to you!

Kenshō
871

Right (Win).
思ひやる心幾重の峰越えて信夫の奧を尋ね入るらん

omoiyaru
kokoro ikue no
mine koete
shinobu no oku o
tazuneiruran
Dwelling on you,
My heart numberless
Peaks will cross
To the depths of Shinobu,
Perhaps to visit someone hidden there?

Ietaka
872

As the previous round.

In judgement: the Left’s ‘Thousand Islands’ (chishima) is a familiar expression from the past, but I do not recall it being used in poetry. I am familiar with the Right’s ‘depths of Shinobu’ (shinobu no oku), so that is better. Again, the Right wins.