Left (Tie).
奈呉の海士の塩燒く煙空にのみ我名を立てゝやまんとやする
| nago no ama no shio yaku kemuri sora ni nomi wa ga na wo tatete yaman to ya suru |
At Nago the fisherfolk’s Salt-burning smoke fills The skies; is that all My names is to be? Gossip And then the end? |
Kenshō.
959
Right.
山田守るかひ屋が下の煙こそこがれもやらぬたぐひなりけれ
| yamada moru kaiya ga shita no kemuri koso kogare mo yaranu tagui narikere |
Warding the mountain fields Beneath the heated hut The smoke Smoulders without end – And so do I! |
Jakuren
960
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults. The Left state: we wonder about the usage of ‘beneath the heated hut’ (kaiya ga shita) with ‘warding the mountain fields’ (yamada moru). In reply: in the Man’yōshū ‘heated hut’ (kaiya), is written with characters meaning ‘deer-repelling fire hut’. In addition, in territories where they wish to drive the deer away from their mountain paddies, they take things which smell foul when burnt, such as hair, and burn them, and in order that the fires are not put out by the rain, they build a roof over them. The common folk of these places call these things ‘heated huts’ (kaiya). So, the Man’yōshū’s usage corresponds with actual practice. Again, a further criticism from the Left: the Master of the Crown Prince’s Household Office composed a poem on salting. Atsutaka also includes ‘heated hut’ in the section on mosquito fires. Such are the ideas of our forebears. That ‘heated hut’ is written in Man’yōshū with characters meaning ‘deer-repelling fire’ and ‘scented fire’ is no proof of anything. Might it not have been written this way so that it would be read to mean ‘keep’? One certainly cannot sweepingly say that it means ‘deer-repelling fire’. A further response from the Right: our forebears have presented no definite evidence, and so it is difficult to accept this argument. In addition, has it not long been accepted that ‘morning haze’ can be used to refer to the smoke from deer-repelling fires, when composing on the haze spreading? Furthermore, in the Hitomaroshū, there is the poem ‘On Kogane Mountain / Beneath the heated hut / Frogs call’. Thus, it appears that this composition must refer to mountain fields.
In judgement: the Left’s ‘At Nago the fisherfolk’ (nago no ama) links the initial and latter sections of the poem extremely well. There seems to be have been some discussion from both teams about the Right’s ‘beneath the heated hut the smoke’ (kaiya ga shita no kemuri). Prior to the to and fro about this poem, was there not a similar discussion about heated huts in the final section of spring poems about frogs? With the greatest respect, the discussion here seems little different. However, in regard to the Right’s poem, saying that love smoulders is the normal way of expressing matters. I do wonder about ‘smoulders without end’ (kogare mo yaranu), but this would certainly seem appropriate with the reference to a heated hut. The Left, in addition, with ‘salt burning smoke’ (yaku shio kemuri) lacks any faults to indicate, so with no clear winner or loser, I make this round a tie.
Left (Win).
忍びかね心の空に立つ煙見せばや富士の峰にまがへて
| shinobikane kokoro no sora ni tatsu kemuri miseba ya fuji no mine ni magaete |
I can bear no more: Into the heavens of my heart Smoke rises; I would show her it is of Fuji’s Peak an image! |
A Servant Girl.
957
Right.
富士の嶺の煙も猶ぞ立のぼる上なき物は思ひなりけり
| fuji no ne no kemuri mo nao zo tachinoboru ue naki mono wa omoi narikeri |
The peak of Fuji: Smoke yet Rises there; Higher than the highest is My love. |
Ietaka.
958
The Right state: we wonder about the meaning of ‘heavens of my heart’ (kokoro no sora). In reply, the Left: this is the same conception as the poem ‘into the heavens of my heart emerges the moon’. In reply, the Right: what is the point in using the smoke from Fuji as a metaphor? It seems as if the focus of the poem is the smoke. Furthermore, why have smoke rising in your heart without the smoke of passion? The Left state: the Right’s poem seems good.
In judgement: the Gentlemen of the competition seems to have sagaciously criticised the faults of the Left’s poem, but ‘I would show her it is of Fuji’s peak an image!’ (miseba ya fuji no mine ni magaete) is charming in configuration and diction. The Right’s poem, too, in the final section is elegant in configuration. However, I must make the Left the winner.
Left.
限りなき下の思ひの行衛とて燃えん煙のはてや見るべき
| kagirinaki shita no omoi no yukue tote moen kemuri no hate ya mirubeki |
Without limit is My secret love: Does it lead to Burning smoke For her in the end to see? |
Lord Sada’ie.
955
Right (Win).
藻塩燒く浦の煙を風に見てなびかぬ人の心をぞ思ふ
| moshio yaku ura no kemuri o kaze ni mite nabikanu hito no kokoro o zo omou |
Seaweed salt burning On the shore, smoke Sighted in the wind; No trails from her Heart to me, alas… |
Nobusada.
956
The Right state: the Left’s poem lacks smoke. The Left state: saying ‘sighted in the wind’ (kaze ni mite) sounds poor.
In judgement: the poem of the Right, which the Gentlemen of the Left have said ‘sounds poor’, has as its central section ‘sighted in the wind’, which I feel sounds extremely pleasant. The final section also sounds good. Thus, the Right wins.
Left (Tie).
憂き人に思ひ消たるる身の程を知らぬは戀の煙也けり
| ukibito ni omoiketaruru mi no hodo o shiranu wa koi no kemuri narikeri |
From that cruel one’s Thoughts, extinguished I am, all Unknowing of love’s Embers smoking. |
Lord Kanemune.
953
Right.
昔かく戀する人や富士の嶺の絶えぬ煙と燃えはじめけん
| mukashi kaku koisuru hito ya fuji no ne no taenu keburi to moehajimeken |
Long ago, in such Love did folk as The peak of Fuji With everlasting smoke Begin to burn? |
The Supernumerary Master of the Empress’ Household Office.
954
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults. The Left state: the Right’s poem is pedestrian.
In judgement: the Left’s ‘cruel one’ (ukibito) and the Right’s ‘folk in love’ (koisuru hito) should tie.
Left (Win).
戀死なんのちを思へば目にぞたつそのゆへもなき空の煙も
| koishinan nochi o omoeba me ni zo tatsu sono yue mo naki sora no keburi mo |
I shall die of love, and When I think on it What should touch my eyes But, lacking any meaning, Smoke rising to the skies… |
Lord Ari’ie.
951
Right.
戀ひ死なむ後は煙とあがるとも君が方へぞ猶なびくべき
| koishinamu nochi wa kemuri to agaru tomo kimi ga kata e zo nao nabikubeki |
When I have died of love Then, though as smoke I may rise, Still towards you I shall trail! |
Lord Tsune’ie.
952
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults. The Left state: we wonder about the use of ‘rise’ (agaru) in the Right’s poem.
In judgement: both poems have ‘die for love’ (koishinan), and there are no particular features of either which warrant a victory or a loss, but ‘touch my eyes’ (me ni tatsu) seems a little finer than the Right’s ‘rise’ (agaru) ‘towards’ (kata e zo).
Left (Tie).
妹が住むとをちの里の煙だになど我方へなびかざるらん
| imo ga sumu tōchi no sato no kemuri dani nado wa ga kata e nabikazaruran |
My darling lives In far distant Tōchi; Even the smoke, Somehow, will not Stream my way… |
Lord Suetsune.
949
Right.
つれなさに絶ずなりなん煙をも我ゆへとやはながめゝしもせん
| tsurenasa ni taezu narinan kemuri o mo ware yue to ya wa nagamemeshi mo sen |
Her cruelty I can endure no more! That the smoke Is for her sake – will she Find that consolation? No, surely not! |
Lord Takanobu.
950
Both Left and Right together state that their opponent’s poem lacks anything unusual.
In judgement: that ‘far distant Tōchi’s smoke’ (tōchi no sato no kemuri) will not stream my way really has no significance. ‘Her cruelty I can endure no more! That the smoke’ (tsurenasa ni taezu narinan kemuri) must be being used to avoid mentioning dying of love as unpropitious, and certainly lacks clarity of expression. This is clearly insufficient. The round ties.
Left.
戀わびて心空なる浮雲や行衛も知らずはてはなるべき
| koi wabite kokoro sora naru ukigumo ya yukue mo shirazu hate ha narubeki |
Suffering with love My heart is as the sky-bound Drifting clouds: In some unknown place Is where it will end… |
Lord Kanemune.
917
Right (Win).
戀死ぬるよはの煙の雲とならば君が宿にやわきてしぐれん
| koi shinuru yowa no kemuri no kumo to naraba kimi ga yado ni ya wakite shiguren |
Should I die of love, and Final smoke Clouds become, To your dwelling will I Drift and descend? |
Nobusada.
918
The Right state: does the Left’s poem really expresses the love of drifting clouds? The Left state: the Right’s poem is more suited to the topic of ‘Love and Smoke’.
In judgement: with regard to the Left’s poem, Lady Sagami’s poem from the Eishō Imperial Palace Poetry Competition: ‘Before I know it/In my heart, sky-bound/is my love’ (itsu to naku/kokoro sora naru/wa ga koi ya) would be a good prior example, but this poem inserts ‘drifting clouds’ (ukigumo ya), which is illogical. As for the Right’s poem, ‘To your dwelling will I drift and descend?’ (kimi ga yado ni ya wakite shiguren) sounds fine. Thus, and for this reason, the Right wins.
Left (Win).
袖の波胸の煙は誰も見よ君が憂き名の立つぞ悲しき
| sode no nami mune no kemuri wa tare mo miyo kimi ga ukina no tatsu zo kanashiki |
The waves upon my sleeves, and The smoke rising from my breast – Let all see them! But should you, my love, be called heartless, That would make me sad… |
731
Right.
うとからぬ人こそ今は恨みけれ忍びしほどの心強さを
| utokaranu hito koso ima wa uramikere shinobishi hodo no kokorozuyosa o |
My family and friends Now I do Despise: For when our love was hidden, They were all so cold… |
732
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults to indicate. The Left state: by prioritising the emotions of the relatives, the poem does not clearly express the conception of Love.
In judgement: the initial section of the Left’s poem sounds fine, but the final ‘would make me sad’ (kanashiki) is going too far. The Gentlemen of the Left have accurately described the faults of the Right’s poem, but beyond that there is nothing praiseworthy in the poem’s style, either. Thus I make the Left the winner.