Tag Archives: kimi

Love X: 7

Left
頼むなるあさけ神しも幣はせん君が心やわれになびくと

tanomu naru
asake kami shimo
nusa wa sen
kimi ga kokoro ya
ware ni nabiku to
Worship she does
The goddess Asake, so should even
I make her an offering?
Then might my lady’s heart
Trail in my direction…

Kenshō
1153

Right (Win)
鏡山君に心やうつるらむいそぎ立たれぬ旅衣かな

kagamiyama
kimi ni kokoro ya
utsururamu
isogi tatarenu
tabigoromo kana
Upon Mirror Mount
Has my heart
Found lodging? For
In haste to rise and don
My travelling garb, I am not!

Lord Tsune’ie
1154

Left and Right state: there are no faults to mention in either poem.

In judgement: both Left and Right here refer to a ‘person’ (kimi), with the Left’s ‘making her an offering’ (nusa wa sen) that she might ‘trail in my direction’ (ware ni nabiku ya), while the Right’s has left his heart on Mirror Mount and ‘is not in haste to rise and don his travelling garb’ (isogi tatarenu tabigoromo): each of these poems is evocative, and makes effective use of wordplay, with the Left’s ‘make her an offering’ certainly resembling something I have come across previously, but the initial ‘goddess Asake’ is poor. The Right’s ‘Mirror Mount’ (kagami yama) is something I am familiar with, and this has a gentle tone. Thus, the Right wins.

Love IX: 28

Left
君とわが寝しさむしろの塵なれば形見がてらにうちも払はず

kimi to wa ga
neshi samushiro no
chiri nareba
katami ga tera ni
uchi mo harawazu
My love and I
Did sleep upon these blankets, so
Even the dust there
Is a memento –
I cannot brush it away!

Lord Suetsune
1135

Right (Win)
ひとり寝の床のさ筵朽ちにけり涙は袖をかぎるのみかは

hitorine no
toko no samushiro
kuchinikeri
namida wa sode o
kagiru nomi ka wa
Sleeping solo on
My bed’s blankets,
They have rotted away;
Tears on more than sleeves
Have that effect…

Ietaka
1136

The Right state: ‘did sleep’ (neshi) is particularly unimpressive. The Left state: ‘more than sleeves’ (sode o kagiru) is, perhaps, over-definite.

In judgement: in the Left’s poem, despite ‘did sleep upon these blankets’ (neshi samushiro) referring to something which definitely exists, it still sounds as if there is not much poetic expression in the poem. ‘Is a memento’ (katami ga tera) fails to resemble ‘for blossom viewing’ (hanami ga tera). As for the Right’s poem, I certainly would not say that ‘tears on more than sleeves have that effect’ (namida wa sode o kagiru nomi ka wa) is over-definite. It is somewhat difficult to make out on hearing, but the configuration is poetic, indeed, so the Right should win, it seems.

MYS XV: 3578

[One of] a number of poems composed on the occasion of an embassy to Silla, exchanged in sadness at parting, or noting emotions on voyage, or ancient poems which matched the location.

武庫の浦の入江の洲鳥羽ぐくもる君を離れて恋に死ぬべし

muko no ura no
irie no sudori
pa kugumoru
kimi wo panarete
kopi ni sinubesi
At the Bay of Muko
Along the inlets seabirds
Wrapped in wings –
Parted from your embrace, my Lord,
I shall die of love.

 

Love VI: 21

Left (Tie).
かきくらし降りくる雨も君ならば濡るとてさらに厭はざらまし

kakikurashi
furikuru ame mo
kimi naraba
nuru tote sara ni
itowazaramashi
All is darkened by
The falling rain, but
Were that to be you, my love,
I would be drenched, but
It would not be unwelcome!

Lord Kanemune.
941

Right.
ひとり寢の床にしもなど音す覧しづかたにそゝく暁の雨

hitorine no
toko ni shimo nado
otosuran
shizukata ni sosoku
akatsuki no ame
Sleeping solo
In my bed, so why
Is there the sound
Of quiet dripping
Dawntime rain?

Lord Takanobu.
942

The Right state: while the Left’s poem does have a desirable sentiment, its expression is outrageous. The Left state: why, indeed, should there be a sound in the poet’s bed?

In judgement: the Left’s desirable sentiment is perfectly commonplace in poetry. The Right, with ‘dawntime rain’ (akatsuki no ame), is elegant. The poems are comparable and tie.