Tag Archives: kindling

Love X: 23

Left (Tie)
我恋はしげきみ山の山人のさすがにえしもこりはてぬ哉

wa ga koi wa
shigeki miyama no
yamabito no
sasuga ni e shimo
korihatenu kana
My love is
Lush as a tree in the mountains’ heart;
The mountain men with
Their hatchets cannot even
Begin to fell it!

Ari’ie
1185

Right
秋かけてつま木こり積む山人ももゆる思の程は知らじな

aki kakete
tsumagi koritsumu
yamabito mo
moyuru omoi no
hodo wa shiraji na
Into autumn
Gathering piles of kindling
Even a mountain man,
The burning fires of my passion
Can hardly know…

Jakuren
1186

The Right state: in the Left’s poem, ‘hatchets’ (sasuga) fails to match properly. The Left state: the Right’s poem lacks faults to indicate.

In judgement: indeed, in the Left’s poem ‘hatchets’ does not sound like it matches properly. The Right’s poem has the initial ‘into autumn’ (aki kakete), but the conception of autumn does not sound necessary here. They are of the same quality.

Love X: 19

Left (Win)
恋路には風やはさそふ朝夕に谷の柴舟行帰れども

koiji ni wa
kaze ya wa sasou
asa yū ni
tani no shibabune
yukikaeredomo
Along the path of love
Does the wind beckon me?
Morning and evening
Along the valley boats of brushwood
Go back and forth, yet…

A Servant Girl
1177

Right
真柴こる賤にもあらぬ身なれども恋ゆへわれも歎きをぞ積む

mashiba koru
shizu ni mo aranu
mi naredomo
koi yue ware mo
nageki o zo tsumu
Cutting kindling as
A mountain man is not
My lot, yet
For love do I
Stack up my grief in logs!

The Supernumerary Master of the Empress’ Household Office
1178

Left and Right together state: there is no reason to make any criticisms here.

In judgement: although ‘beckon’ (sasou) in the Left’s poem should be ‘send’ (okuru), it is certainly elegant how it evokes thoughts of Captain Cheng travelling along the valley. The Right, beginning with ‘kindling’ (mashiba) and then having ‘grief in logs’ (nageki) sounds a little too similar, I think. The Left should win.