Left.
霞かは花鶯にとぢられて春にこもれる宿の明ぼの
| kasumi ka wa hana uguisu ni tojirarete haru ni komoreru yado no akebono |
Is this haze? No, in blossom and warbler song Am I sealed; Shut in by springtime Is my home this dawn. |
115
Right (Win).
霞立つ末の松山ほのぼのと浪にはなるゝ橫雲の空
| kasumi tatsu sue no matsuyama honobono to nami ni hanaruru yokogumo no sora |
The hazes rise Around the pine-clad peak of Sué; Dimly Departing from the waves, Narrow clouds trail across the sky. |
116
The Right team have no particular remarks to make about the Left’s poem this round, but the Left state that the Right’s poem is ‘most satisfying.’
Shunzei’s judgement is: ‘The Left’s “Is this haze?” (kasumi ka wa) seems like it wants to be “Is this just haze?” (kasumi nomi ka wa). “In blossom and warbler song am I sealed” (hana uguisu ni tojirarete) and “my home this dawn” (yado no akebono) remind one of “the lofty palace of Shinsei stands behind warblers and blossom” and this is excellent. As for the Right’s poem, this is particularly moving, with its depiction of the scene “departing from the waves, narrow clouds trail across the sky” (nami ni hanaruru yokogumo no sora), recalling “the pine-clad peak of Sué” (sue no matsuyama). The poem does start with “hazes rise” (kasumi tatsu) and having “haze” (kasumi), “wave” (nami) and “cloud” (kumo) means the poem is somewhat overburdened with similar imagery. “Narrow clouds trail across the sky”, though, does make a particularly strong impression, and the Left’s poem is merely satisfying, as has been said. Thus, “my home this dawn” must lose, I think.’