yamakaze ni shioruru nobe no kusamura no neya samushi to ya shika no nakuran
The mountain wind Withers the meadow’s Clumps of grasses— Is it his chilly bedchamber That makes the stag cry out?
Moromitsu 39
Right (Win)
あはれとはねらふさつをも思ふらんをしか妻どふ秋の夕ぐれ
aware to wa nerau satsuo mo omouran oshika tsumadobu aki no yūgure
‘How sad,’ The aiming hunter, too, Seems to think, as The stag searches for his mate On an autumn evening…
Lay Priest Sanekiyo 40
The Left shows no technique from beginning to end, compounded by the fact that, while ‘although the stag does lie’ is a common expression in poetry, ‘bedchamber’ is something I am unaccustomed to hearing. As for the Right, ‘aiming hunter’ is distasteful to hear, but the poem is not bad overall, so it wins.
kusamura no kokoro shi to tomo ni zo wataru kure wa shinubeki aki no oshisa ni
A tangled patch of grass is My heart—together Will it cross, and with The evening pass away Amid autumn regrets…[i]
23
Right (Win)
こりずまにあひもみるかな女郎花とまらずかへる秋としるらし
korizu ma ni ai mo miru kana ominaeshi tomarazu kaeru aki to shirurashi
While I do not dislike her, I will come to meet and see, My maidenflower! Not lingering, and returning Having had enough—as autumn seems to do, I know…
24
[i] The central part of this poem appears to have been corrupted as the division kokoro shi to tomo / ni zo wataru is anomalous as it places the bound morphemes ni zo at the beginning of a line. Given this, my translation is speculative.
