Tag Archives: Love and the Clouds

Love VI: 8

Left.
戀すれば心も空に浮雲の思ひしづむる方なかりけり

koisureba
kokoro mo sora ni
ukigumo no
omoishizumuru
kata nakarikeri
When one is in love
The heart, with the skies
Drifting clouds
Does find some calm
In no way at all.

Lord Suetsune.
915

Right (Win).
人しれぬ恨みは空の雲なれやつもれば袖の雨と降るらん

hito shirenu
urami wa sora no
kumo nare ya
tsumoreba sode no
ame to fururan
Unknown to her
My despite: within the sky
A cloud has it become?
Mounting up, then from my sleeves
As rain will fall, indeed!

Jakuren.
916

Left and Right together state: these are fine.

In judgement: both poems’ initial sections have nothing between them in terms of strengths or faults. Of the latter sections, ‘mounting up, then from my sleeves’ (tsumoreba sode no) is pleasant. Again, the Right should win.

Love VI: 7

Left.
入日さす豊旗雲も何ならず月なき戀の闇し晴れねば

irihi sasu
toyohatagumo mo
nani narazu
tsuki naki koi no
yamishi hareneba
The setting sun shines
On fluttering cloudy pennants, but
Comes to nothing;
With no moon, my love
From darkness will never escape…

Kenshō.
913

Right (Win).
いかなれば心も空に浮雲のかゝる戀する身となりにけ

ika nareba
kokoro mo sora ni
ukigumo no
kakaru koisuru
mi no nariniken
For some reason
My heart, as with the skies
Drifting clouds
Does hang; such a lover
Have I become…

Lord Tsune’ie.
914

The Right state: ‘with no moon, my love’ (tsuki naki koi) sounds poor. The Left state: there is nothing remarkable about this.

In judgement: the Left’s ‘fluttering cloudy pennants’ (toyohatagumo) sounds as if it is introducing something significant, but the conclusion‘from darkness will never escape’ (yamishi hareneba), is restricted. Whilethe Right’s poem, indeed, has nothing remarkable about it, it is elegant. It should win.