Tag Archives: Love in the Da

Love IV: 18

Left (Win).
雲となり雨となるてふ中空の夢にも見えよ夜半ならずとも

kumo to nari
ame to naru chō
nakazora no
yume ni mo mieyo
yowa narazu tomo
Whether you become clouds, or
Whether you become rain
In the heart of the heavens
Let me glimpse you in a dream,
Though nighttime it is not…

Lord Ari’ie.
815

Right.
暮ぬ間はかゝりせばや山鳥も夜半に思ひに契り變へけん

kurenu ma wa
kakariseba ya
yamadori mo
yowa ni omoi ni
chigirikaeken
The hours with no darkness:
Is it because they are so?
As the pheasants do
At night to thoughts of love
Can we vow to turn?

Ietaka.
816

The Right state: we find no particular faults to mention. The Left state: the mention of ‘pheasants’ (yamadori) comes a bit abruptly, does it not?

In judgement: the style of the Left’s poem sounds utterly elegant and beautiful. The Right’s mention of ‘pheasants’ is unnecessary. Thus, the Left wins.