Left (Win).
忘れずよほのぼの人を三嶋江のたそがれなりし蘆のまよひに
wasurezu yo
honobono hito o
mishimae no
tasogare narishi
ashi no mayoi ni |
Never will I forget you
Who I glimpsed faintly
In the dusk of Mishima Bay
A single reed
Causes confusion. |
A Servant Girl.
647
Right.
花の色に移る心は山櫻霞のまより思ひそめてき
hana no iro ni
utsuru kokoro wa
yamazakura
kasumi no ma yori
omoisometeki |
A blossom’s hue
Has caught my heart;
A mountain cherry
Through the parted mists
Has set me on the path of love. |
Lord Takanobu.
648
The Gentlemen of the Right state: saying simply ‘dusk’ (tasogare) when it should be ‘the hour of dusk’ (tasogare toki) sounds somewhat strange. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the Right’s poem is composed to recall the Kokinshū’s ‘A mountain cherry through the drifting mists’ (yamazakura kasumi no ma yori), but is inferior to the original.
Shunzei’s judgement: in regard to the Left’s poem, it is certainly the case that, even without the ‘hour’, ‘in the dusk’ is a standard expression. The Right’s poem sounds old-fashioned. The Left, though, does not sound unpleasant, even though its mentioning of ‘never will I forget’ (wasurezu yo) recollects ‘a tiled kiln’. It should win.
Left.
憂しつらし安積の沼の草の名よかりにも深き縁は結ばで
ushi tsurashi
asaka no numa no
kusa no na yo
kari ni mo fukaki
en wa musubade |
How cruel and cold!
At Asaka Marsh
The once seen reeds do grow;
Briefly, a deep
Bond will not be made. |
Lord Sada’ie.
645
Right.
かゝりける姿の池の鴛の聲聞きては袖の濡れし數かは
kakarikeru
sugata no ike no
oshi no koe
kikite wa sode no
nureshi kazu ka wa |
Such a
Form! On Sugata Pond
The loving mandarin duck calls
I hear and my sleeves:
Drenched how many times? |
Jakuren.
646
Neither team has any criticisms this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘The Left’s ‘At Asaka Marsh’ (asaka no numa) and the Right’s ‘On Sugata Pond the loving mandarin duck calls’ (sugata no ike no oshi no koe) are both tasteful in diction [yū no kotoba ni wa haberu], but beginning with ‘How cruel and cold!’ (ushi tsurashi) sounds like the poet is writing a love letter, and this is overly informal for a poetry competition [uta’awase ni wa kegen naru yō ni ya haberan]. ‘On Sugata Pond the loving mandarin duck calls’ is charming, but why did the poet not continue with ‘I did hear and my sleeves’ (kikishi wa sode no)? In any case, this round neither poem is markedly superior to the other.
Left.
妹が嶋荒磯に寄る浮き海松の憂きをも見るは見ぬにまされり
imo ga shima
ara’iso ni yoru
uki miru no
uki o mo miru wa
minu ni masareri |
At Imogashima’s
Rocky shore
Floats seaweed;
The sorrow on seeing her
Is better that the sorrow of not… |
Kenshō.
643
Right.
思かね澤の根芹を摘みてだに心のあとをいかで殘さむ
omoikane
sawa no nezeri o
tsumite dani
kokoro no ato o
ikade nokosamu |
I cannot feel more:
Dropwort from the marshes
Plucked – exhausted,
A trace of this love within my heart:
How might I recall it? |
Ietaka..
644
Neither Left nor Right finds any fault this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: The final section of the Left’s poem a kind of charming form [hitotsu no sugata nite okashiku haberu], but ‘rocky shore’ (ara’iso) sounds frightful [osoroshiku kikoehabere]. The Right’s ‘plucking dropwort’ (seri tsumu) is archaic, but not objectionable [furugoto nareba nadarakani wa haberubeki], but saying ‘a trace within my heart’ (kokoro no ato o) gives an extremely relaxed and vague feeling [itaku kasumeru kokochishite], and so it is difficult to say that either poem is better.
Left.
見ずもあらず見もせぬ中の故にだに人は思ひのつかぬ物かは
mizu mo arazu
mi mo senu naka no
yue ni dani
hito wa omoi no
tukanu mono ka wa |
‘Not unseen
Yet not seen’
Is enough;
But what, then,
Of my thoughts for you? |
Lord Kanemune.
641
Right (Win).
見ればけになかなかにとてうとくとも猶面影の離るべきかは
mireba keni
nakanakani tote
utokutomo
nao omokage no
hanarubeki kawa |
Having met you
Sometime
Cruel you may be but
Still your face
Stays with me always… |
Nobusada.
642
The Right find no fault with the Left’s poem, but say that it is commonplace [mezurashikiniarazu]. The Left mention that it is difficult to hear the 5-7-7 pattern at the beginning of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘The Left’s poem follows one from The Tales of Ise. The gentlemen of the Left have remarked that the Right’s mireba keni is difficult to understand. Keni is certainly standard poetic diction. The total conception [kokoro] of the poem is extremely difficult to grasp [ito kikiwakarenu sama], but in terms of total configuration [uta sugata] it is superior.’
Left.
今日やさはしばしば戀のひまならん見るに慰む思なりせば
kyō ya sa wa
shibashiba koi no
himanaran
miru ni nagusamu
omoi nariseba |
Today, I wonder if
From this long love’s pain
I will have respite?
I would that the sight of you calmed
These passions, but… |
Lord Suetsune.
639
Right.
色に出づるつらき氣色を見ても猶思かへらぬ心なりけり
iro ni izuru
tsuraki keshiki o
mitemo nao
omoikaeranu
kokoro narikeri |
The colours now emerge
Of your cruelty, clearly;
I see them, yet
Unable to go back upon its love
Is my heart… |
The Provisional Master of the Empress’ Household Office.
640
The Gentlemen of both Left and Right state: we find nothing worth mentioning in the other team’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: in the Left’s poem, the diction of the final phrase ‘these passions, but…’ (omoi nariseba) seems somehow contrary to the sense. I wonder what the colours of the ‘clear cruelty’ (tsuraki keshiki) would look like! The poems must be considered to be of the same level.
Left.
なかなかにみるめばかりは難くとも遂にあふみの海と頼めよ
nakanaka ni
mirume bakari wa
katakutomo
tsui ni aumi no
umi to tanomeyo |
‘Tis not enough to
Merely catch a glimpse of you;
‘Tis hard, but
Finally for a meeting
By the sea must be my hope. |
Lord Ari’ie.
637
Right (Win).
漁り火のほの見てしより衣手に磯邊の浪の寄せぬ日ぞなき
isaribi no
honomiteshi yori
koromode ni
isobe no nami no
yosenu hi zo naki |
Since by fisher fires
Dim light I glimpsed you,
Upon my sleeves
Waves upon a rocky shore
Have broken, every day. |
Lord Tsune’ie.
638
Both teams say the other team’s poem sounds ‘extremely cliched’ [furikusaritari].
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘The gentlemen of both sides have stated that the opposing poem sounds clichéd. This is, indeed, a most perceptive judgement! Poems which use non-standard poetic diction [utakotoba ni mo aranu utadomo] often sound clichéd, do they not? However, given that the Left concludes ‘for a meeting by the sea must be my hope’ (aumi no umi to tanomeyo), it was unnecessary to mention mirume being difficult to obtain. Simply saying that it would be ‘absent’ [nashi] is what would be clichéd, surely? In any case, isaribi seems slightly superior.
'Simply moving and elegant'