au koto no ima wa katano to narinureba kari ni toikoshi hito mo toikozu
Meeting Now hard as crossing Katano Has become, so he who once Briefly hunted me out Never comes to call.
Lord Michitsune 65
Right (T – Win)
おさふればあまる涙はもる山のなげきにあたる雫なりけり
osaureba amaru namida wa moruyama no nageki ni ataru shizuku narikeri
I hold them in, but, Overflowing, my tears Drip down—on Mount Moru Gathering kindling—grief is plain In every droplet.
Lord Tadataka 66
Toshiyori states: the first poem says ‘hard as crossing Katano has become’, but emphasizes that the lover did come briefly. It’s a mistake to then say that he ‘never comes’. The second poem has ‘Overflowing, my tears / Drip down—on Mount Moru’—it’s certainly not the case that feeling is lacking in the conception here, and it does sound like this is what one feels, so it’s not difficult at all to say this is the winner.
Mototoshi states: neither of these poems has any particular faults or anything outstanding between them, but that there is no one to visit the poet briefly appears, at present, to be slightly more desolate.
tsurenasa no tameshi wa ta zo tare nite mo hito nagekasete hate wa yoshi ya wa
For cold cruelty Who is your exemplar? Whoever it might be, Is causing one such grief A good thing, in the end?
Lord Morotoshi 57
Right (M – Win)
逢ふ事をまつの汀に年ふればしづえに波のかけぬ日ぞなき
au koto o matsu no migiwa ni toshi fureba shizue ni nami no kakenu hi zo naki
For a meeting Pining by the waters’ edge As the years go by— Lower boughs by waves Washed not on any day, at all…
Lord Sadanobu 58
Toshiyori states: it is impossible to say that that the configuration and diction of the first poem is anything special. In the second poem, ‘For a meeting / Pining by the waters’ edge’ has poetic qualities, but continuing with ‘Lower boughs by waves / Washed not on any day, at all’ does not seem like a love poem, and if the poet had wanted to allude to tears here, well, it just doesn’t sound like it, does it. The Left has the conception of a Love poem, but it language lacks elegance; the Right is smooth, but has only a faint conception of love, and thus these tie.
Mototoshi states: this poem’s diction is particularly bizarre. What an objectionably unpleasant feeling of love! One does see this in the passage giving the reply by Nakatomi no Tokuin, and then there seems to have been the poem ‘go on then, you creeper’, but that one continues extremely charmingly, while this sounds ghastly. Then ‘For a meeting / Pining by the waters’ edge’, truly is a charming composition, and the subsequent ‘Lower boughs by waves / Washed not on any day, at all’ seems entirely clear. It seems to approach the quality of Komachi’s poem, to me! This is a win for the Right, I have to say.
koiwaburu kimi ga kumoi no tsuki naraba oyobanu mi ni mo kage wa mitemashi
So cruel in your love, My lord, above the clouds The moon were you, then Though it reaches me not I wish your light to see…
Lady Kazusa 55
Right
いのるらん神のたたりはなさるとも逢ふてふ事に身をばけがさじ
inoruran kami no tatari wa nasaru tomo au chō koto ni mi oba kegasaji
You seem to pray for it, and Even should a deity’s taboo This break, A meeting Would be no pollution, I feel…
Lord Akinaka 56
Toshiyori states: the first poem makes a person into the moon, and is different in sense from the poem in the Tentoku poetry match which also uses ‘Though it reaches me not’. The second poem appears to be one written after becoming close to another—if that’s what the composition is about, then it should include an element from a prior poem for precedent. Then again, one could compose like this as a response to a prayer received from a man’s residence, in which case it would resemble something sent between people who have yet to meet. It loses.
Mototoshi states: saying ‘My lord, above the clouds / The moon were you, then’ appears an elegant sequence. I wonder if it was composed with the poem by Nakatsukasa in a poetry match in Tenryaku, where she uses ‘above the clouds, the moon’? While the ‘beloved light’ in this poem is very well depicted, here the diction seems stilted. As for the Right, up to ‘You seem to pray for it, and /Even should a deity’s taboo’ is acceptable, but ‘A meeting / Would be no pollution, I feel’ is extremely difficult to understand. Would a meeting, of whatever sort, be a cause of pollution? It really makes me feel as if something like ‘ditch’ was going to be dropped in! Neither has a charming conception, yet ‘above the clouds, the moon’ is slightly better in the present context.
