Round Thirteen

Left

山がつのかた岡かけてしむるののさかひにたてる玉のを柳

yamagatsu no kataoka kakete shimuru no no sakai ni tateru tama no oyanagi

A mountain man Clinging to the slopes Marking out his meadows, Standing on the border, Jewelled tiny willow threads.[i]

25

Right (Win)

ふりつみしたかねのみ雪とけにけり清滝河の水のしらなみ

furutsumishi takane no miyuki tokenikeri kiyotakigawa no mizu no shiranami

Fallen and drifted, The fair snows on the high peaks Have melted; The Kiyotaki River’s cataracts bring White caps to the waters…

26

The Left poem has a rare style and give me the impression that it is a realistic depiction, but I do wonder about the use of ‘tiny’ in the final line—does one really compose this way? The configuration of the Right poem is extremely charming, and so I say it wins.

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[i] See:

Composed on ‘willows by a fence’ for the Poetry Match held at the residence of His Excellency, Supernumerary Middle Counsellor Toshitada.

あたらしやしづの柴垣かきつくるたよりにたてる玉のをやなぎ

atarashi ya shizu no shibagaki kakitsukuru tayori ni tateru tama no oyanagi

How regrettable! A peasant’s brushwood fence Fenced in With the support of Jewelled tiny willow threads…

Minamoto no Nakamasa
Tsukimōdeshū 83