Tag Archives: moon

Love VI: 11

Left (Tie).
我戀や晴れゆくままの空の雲よそにのみして消ぬべき哉

wa ga koi ya
hareyuku mama no
sora no kumo
yoso ni nomi shite
kienubeki kana
Is my love
As the clearing
Clouds with within the skies?
While you remain distant
Must I fade away…

Lord Ari’ie.
921

Right.
をのづから閨もる月も影消えてひとりかなしき浮雲の空

onozukara
neya moru tsuki mo
kage kiete
hitori kanashiki
ukigumo no sora
From my
Bedchamber the flooding moon
Light has vanish;
To be alone is sad, as
The heartless drifting, clouds.

Lord Takanobu.
922

The Right state: the central line of the Left’s poem is stiff. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no particular faults.

In judgement: the statements in regard to both poems are at variance with my own opinion. I will refrain from expressing that here, although I do regret that, somewhat. If, indeed, a central line is core, then it is better for it to lack connection with the remainder of the poem. In the case of the Left’s poem, however, it seems well linked with what follows. As for the Right’s poem, ‘bedchamber the flooding moon’ (neya moru tsuki) is not phrasing which is acceptable to me. However, the Left’s initial section seems pleasant, and the Right’s final section is elegant. Thus, the round is a tie.

Love VI: 7

Left.
入日さす豊旗雲も何ならず月なき戀の闇し晴れねば

irihi sasu
toyohatagumo mo
nani narazu
tsuki naki koi no
yamishi hareneba
The setting sun shines
On fluttering cloudy pennants, but
Comes to nothing;
With no moon, my love
From darkness will never escape…

Kenshō.
913

Right (Win).
いかなれば心も空に浮雲のかゝる戀する身となりにけ

ika nareba
kokoro mo sora ni
ukigumo no
kakaru koisuru
mi no nariniken
For some reason
My heart, as with the skies
Drifting clouds
Does hang; such a lover
Have I become…

Lord Tsune’ie.
914

The Right state: ‘with no moon, my love’ (tsuki naki koi) sounds poor. The Left state: there is nothing remarkable about this.

In judgement: the Left’s ‘fluttering cloudy pennants’ (toyohatagumo) sounds as if it is introducing something significant, but the conclusion‘from darkness will never escape’ (yamishi hareneba), is restricted. Whilethe Right’s poem, indeed, has nothing remarkable about it, it is elegant. It should win.

Love VI: 5

Left (Tie).
やすらひに出にしまゝの月の影我涙のみ袖に待てども

yasurai ni
idenishi mama no
tsuki no kage
wa ga namida nomi
sode ni matedomo
Reluctantly
Emerged and left
That moonlight shape;
Though my tears, alone,
Upon my sleeves do wait…

Lord Sada’ie.
909

Right.
をろかにも思やるかな君もゝしひとりや今宵月を見るらん

oroka ni mo
omoiyaru kana
kimi mo moshi
hitori ya koyoi
tsuki o miruran
Heedlessly
Do I wonder
Whether maybe she, too,
Is alone this night
And gazing at the moon…

Nobusada.
910

The Right state: we cannot grasp the sense of the Left’s poem. The Left state: we are unable to understand the reason for the Right’s use of ‘heedlessly’ (oroka ni mo).

In judgement: while both poems do appear to have some conception, the Gentlemen of both Left and Right appear to have stated that they are unable to grasp it. Far be it from me to provide an interpretation in the light of this, so I shall follow the Gentlemen’s remarks and make this round a tie.

Love VI: 1

Left (Win).
なぐさめし月にもはてはねをぞ泣く戀やむなしき空に滿つらん

nagusameshi
tsuki ni mo hate wa
ne o zo naku
koi ya munashiki
sora ni mitsuran
Comforted was I once by
The moon, but at the end
My sobs
For love, the vast spaces of
The heavens do seem to fill…

Kenshō
901

Right.
月よなをくまこそなけれかきくらす戀の涙は雨と降れども

tsuki yo nao
kuma koso nakare
kakikurasu
koi no namida wa
ame to furedomo
O, Moon! Before
You there is not a cloud, yet
Dimmed
With tears for love
The rain does fall…

Lord Takanobu.
902

The Right state: we find no faults to mention in the Left’s poem. The Left state: in the Right’s poem ‘O, Moon! Before’ (tsuki ya nao) is somewhat grating on the ear. In addition, the final section is clichéd.

In judgement: in the Left’s poem, ‘The moon, but at the end’ (tsuki ni mo hate wa) is certainly elegant. The Right’s poem begin’s ‘O, Moon!’ (tsuki yo) but lacks anything connected to it at the end. Thus, the Left must win.

Love V: 29

Left (Tie).
象潟や妹戀ひしらにさ寢る夜の磯の寢覺に月傾きぬ

kisakata ya
koishirani
sanuru yo no
iso no nezame ni
tsuki katabukinu
In Kisakata and
In love;
I sleep the night away, and
Awaking on the rocky shore
Behold the moon descending.

Kenshō
897

Right.
清見潟岩敷く袖の浪の上に思ふもわびし君が面影

kiyomigata
iwa shiku sode no
nami no ue ni
omou mo wabishi
kimi ga omokage
At Kiyomigata
Sleeves spread atop the rocks,
Waves breaking atop them;
Heart filled with pain
At the memory of your face…

Jakuren
898

Left and Right both state that the opposing poem is pretentious.

In judgement: the Left’s poem seems well-constructed in its initial and final sections. However, as in Mototoshi’s poem long ago, ‘breaking a stem of miscanthus on the beach at Ise’, this seems to be a case of poetic allusion. The Right’s ‘Sleeves spread atop the rocks, waves breaking atop them’ (iwa shiku sode no nami no ue) seems to have been newly composed and seems elegant, but the final section is somewhat inferior. The Left has beginning and end matching. The Right has a superior initial section, but an inferior final one. Thus, the round ties.

 

Love V: 17

Left (Win).
悲しきは境異なる中として亡き玉までもよそに浮かれん

kanashiki wa
sakai kotonaru
naka to shite
naki tama made mo
yoso ni ukaren
How sad it is:
Beyond the borders of this life
Should our bond endure
Even your departed soul
So distant, would I trail after…

Lord Sada’ie
873

Right.
忘れずよ幾雲井とは知らねども空行月の契ばかりは

wasurezu yo
iku kumoi to wa
shiranedomo
sora yuku tsuki no
chigiri bakari wa
I will not forget!
How far beyond the clouds you are
I know not, yet
As the moon across the skies,
Is my simple vow to you…

Jakuren
874

Left and Right: no faults to mention.

In judgement: although the Left’s poem sounds a little over-familiar, it certainly does have conception. The Right’s poem does sound smooth, but the origin poem has ‘Forget me not’ (wasuru na yo) – and this has ‘I will not forget’ (wasurezu yo) – the origin poem has ‘for distant as the clouds’ (hodo wa kumoi ni) – and this has ‘how far beyond the clouds’ (iku kumoi to wa); and ‘as the moon across the skies’ (sora yuku tsuki no) is identical, so the only part which as been changed is ‘I shall return – ‘til then’ (meguri au made). It is only to be expected that it would sound good, given that it presents much of the same material in the same order. The Left should win.