Round Twelve

Left (T – Win)

柞原紅ふかく染めてけり時雨の雨はいろなけれども

hahasowara kurenai fukaku sometekeri shigure no ame wa iro nakeredomo

The oak groves Deeply scarlet Have been dyed, Though the rain shower Lacks any hue at all…

Lord Shigemoto
23

Right (M – Win)

山里はならのから葉の散敷きてしぐれの音もはげしかりけり

yamazato wa nara no karaba no chirishikite shigure no oto mo hageshikarikeri

My mountain retreat has The oaks’ withered leaves Scattered and spread around, so The sound of showers is all The more severe.

Lord Tamezane
24

Toshiyori states: the ‘oak grove’ poem, saying that plants fade and autumn leaves are dyed by things like dew and frost is as unremarkable as saying that one’s sweetheart’s skirt trails down. The ‘mountain retreat’ poem has ‘the oaks’ withered leaves’ and this is problematic. It would certainly have been better to avoid using ‘withered leaves’. In addition, I wonder about saying ‘the sound of showers is severe’? I feel it would be better to use this when looking down on the stony valley gate from the high peak of Mount Arachi. The first poem is slightly superior.

Mototoshi states; the poems of Left and Right are about the same quality, but the Left’s poem lacks a conception of showers and is entirely a poem on scarlet leaves, so in the current context ‘oaks’ withered leaves’ is slightly superior.