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Daikōtaigōgū daijin kiyosuke-ason ke uta’awase 24

Round Twenty-Four

Love

Left (Win)

恋しさのなぐさむ方やなからましつらき心をおもひませずは

koishisa no
nagusamu kata ya
nakaramashi
tsuraki kokoro o
omoimasezu wa
I wish my love for you
My consolation
Would be not—for then
Of your cold heart
I would not have to think…

Lord Kiyosuke
47

Right

君こずはうちへもいらじはらひつるねやのおもはむ事もはづかし

kimi kozu wa
uchi e mo iraji
haraitsuru
neya no omowamu
koto wa hazukashi
You have not come, so
I’ll not enter in—
Swept clean,
Thinking of my bedchamber
Is embarrassing, indeed!

Shun’e
48

Both are elegant, yet what comes after ‘within’ is not something which one would really feel, so I would say the Right loses.

Daikōtaigōgū daijin kiyosuke-ason ke uta’awase 04

Round Four

Left (Win)

春の夜はいこそねられねねやちかき梅のにほひにおどろかれつつ

haru no yo wa
i koso nerarene
neya chikaki
ume no nioi ni
odorokaretsutsu
On a night in springtime
I cannot sleep at all, for
Close by my bedchamber
The scent of plum
Ever wakes me from my slumber…

Norimori
7

Right

さ夜ふかみ旅ねの床にかをらずは梅さく宿といかでしらまし

sayo fukami
tabine no toko ni
ka orazu wa
ume saku yado to
ikade shiramashi
Deep within brief night
In a traveller’s bed
No scent reaches me, yet
That plum blooms at this dwelling—
How is it I might know?

Kenshō
8

The Left is particularly evocative. The Right is from an old poetry match.

Hon’in sadaijin-ke uta’awase 04

Maidenflowers

Left

なびくとや人はみるらんをみなへしおもふかたにぞかぜもふきける

nabiku to ya
hito wa miruran
ominaeshi
omou kata ni zo
kaze mo fukikeru
‘Are they trailing?’
Folk wonder at the sight of
The maidenflowers, and
As they thought
The wind, too, was blowing…

7

Right

おほかたののべなるよりはをみなへしねやのつまにてみるはまされり

ōkata no
nobe naru yori wa
ominaeshi
neya no tsuma nite
miru wa masareri
So wide are
The plains, but I’d rather
A maidenflower—
My wife in the bedchamber:
Seeing her is better far!

8

SZS XII: 766

Composed as a love poem.

よもすがら物思ふころはあけやらぬねやのひまさへつれなかりけり

yomosugara
mono’omoFu koro wa
akeyaranu
neya no Fima saFe
turenakarikeri
Night after night,
Sunk in gloomy thoughts which
Never lift,
The time spent in my bed
Is tedious, indeed!

Monk Shun’e

Love VI: 22

Left.
独のみ寢屋の板間もあはずして雨も涙も所せきまで

hitori nomi
neya no itama mo
awazushite
ame mo namida mo
tokoroseki made
All alone, and
The boards above my bedchamber
Fail to come together;
Until with raindrops and tears both
I am excessively…

Lord Ari’ie.
943

Right (Win).
深き夜の寢覺に何を思けむ窓打ちてすさむ暁の雨

fukaki yo no
nezame ni nani o
omoikemu
mado uchisusamu
akatsuki no ame
Late within the night,
I start awake; what
Was in my thoughts?
Beating against my window is
The dawntime rain.

Jakuren.
944

The Right state: we cannot grasp the sense of the Left’s use of ‘until’ (made). The Left state: the Right’s poem is certainly not easy to understand on hearing.

In judgement: is not the use of ‘until’ (made) simply because it is appropriate to conclude a poem with that syllable? I can see nothing problematic with the use of ‘beating against my window’ (mado uchisusamu) in the Right’s poem. Thus, I make the Right the winner.

 

Love VI: 11

Left (Tie).
我戀や晴れゆくままの空の雲よそにのみして消ぬべき哉

wa ga koi ya
hareyuku mama no
sora no kumo
yoso ni nomi shite
kienubeki kana
Is my love
As the clearing
Clouds with within the skies?
While you remain distant
Must I fade away…

Lord Ari’ie.
921

Right.
をのづから閨もる月も影消えてひとりかなしき浮雲の空

onozukara
neya moru tsuki mo
kage kiete
hitori kanashiki
ukigumo no sora
From my
Bedchamber the flooding moon
Light has vanish;
To be alone is sad, as
The heartless drifting, clouds.

Lord Takanobu.
922

The Right state: the central line of the Left’s poem is stiff. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no particular faults.

In judgement: the statements in regard to both poems are at variance with my own opinion. I will refrain from expressing that here, although I do regret that, somewhat. If, indeed, a central line is core, then it is better for it to lack connection with the remainder of the poem. In the case of the Left’s poem, however, it seems well linked with what follows. As for the Right’s poem, ‘bedchamber the flooding moon’ (neya moru tsuki) is not phrasing which is acceptable to me. However, the Left’s initial section seems pleasant, and the Right’s final section is elegant. Thus, the round is a tie.