Left
いをしねばゆめにもひとをみるべきをよなよなさむるめこそつらけれ
| i o shi neba yume ni mo hito o mirubeki o yonayona samuru me koso tsurakere | When I’m deep in sleep Even in my dreams, too, her I can behold, but Waking, night after night, Is cruel to my eyes, indeed! |
9
Right
こひわびてこころまどへるねざめにはおもかげをだにあふとたのまむ
| koiwabite kokoro madoeru nezame ni wa omokage o dani au to tanomamu | Desolate with love, My heart just wanders lost; On waking, Even an image of you To meet is all I would ask. |
10
Left
ひとしれずねざめのこひはよぶこどりよぶかきこゑはきくひともなし
| hito shirezu nezame no koi wa yobukodori yobukaki koe wa kiku hito mo nashi | Unknown to all I awake and yearn: A songbird Late at night sings With no one listening at all. |
3
Right
おもひやるこころしゆかばさよふけておきゐてこふとつぐべきものを
| omoiyaru kokoro shi yukaba sayo fukete oki’ite kou to tsugubeki mono o | If, steadfast, My heart but was, then As brief night wore on I’d arise and my love Be able to announce, but… |
4
Round Six
Left
あきの夜のありあけのつきはくまもなしあさくらやまもなのみこそあらめ
| aki no yo no ariake no tsuki wa kuma mo nashi asakurayama mo na nomi koso arame | At an autumn night’s Dawn, the moon Has not a cloud before it; The Mount of Morning Dark May be so in name alone! |
Cell of Fragrant Cloud
39
Right (Win)
秋の月あかしのうらはなびきもにすむわれからのかずも見つべし
| aki no tsuki akashi no ura wa nabikimo ni sumu warekara no kazu mo mitsubeshi | The autumn moon is Bright above Akashi Bay; Among the trailing seaweed Dwell tiny shrimp, Their number now clear to my eyes. |
Cell of Compassionate Light
40
The poem of the Left is an entirely tedious composition. It simply states that a cloudless autumn moon does not fit with the place name, Mount Asakura. The moon at ‘dawn’ is the same as the moon at ‘dawntime’, while Mount Asakura is used when dawn has completely finished. As for the poem of the Right, while the moon is described as bright, it doesn’t seem right to then make it a poem about trailing seaweed—this does not seem charming at all. This round, too, there’s not much more I can say than that.
As I have already mentioned, ‘moon at dawn’ in the poem of the Left is an expression which it is impossible to say is praiseworthy. Even more so, really, the concluding ‘may be so in name alone’ just says ‘is so in name alone’, doesn’t it? It’s contrary to reason to say that it’s fluent and thus, and I say this reluctantly, it’s difficult to understand. As for the Right’s poem, I don’t understand this either: it ought to be ‘their numbers, too, I have been able to see’—saying ‘their number now clear to my eyes’ implies that you haven’t previously been able to see them up to that point, and it’s vague about when you have. Even so, it’s getting light, so the light of the moon at dawn seems superior.
Round Five
Left
あきのよのふけゆくかぜにくもはれてはなだのそらにすめるつきかげ
| aki no yo no fukeyuku kaze ni kumo harete hanada no sora ni sumeru tsukikage | As the autumn night Wears on, the wind Clears away the cloud, and From the pale indigo sky Comes clear moonlight. |
Controller’s Graduate
37
Right
ふるさとのときぞともなきさびしさもなぐさむばかりすめる月かな
| furusato no toki zo tomonaki sabishisa mo nagusamu bakari sumeru tsuki kana | In the ancient capital Timeless is The lonely sadness Consoled only By the clear, bright moon! |
Kerin’in Graduate
38
The Left’s poem is a transparent copy of an older work. That poem is:
天の原四方のむら雲吹きはらひみどりの空にすめる月影
| ama no hara yomo no muragumo fukiharai midori no sora ni sumeru tsukikage | Across the plain of Heaven All the crowding clouds Are blown away, and From the sky so green Comes clear moonlight.[i] |
I don’t feel this is in any way different. As for the Right’s poem, while it is not the case that it is entirely without conception, it lacks any exemplary elements, so I don’t see how I can possibly recommend either of these.
The Left’s poem isn’t bad, but it should be revised to use ‘sky so green’, because using ‘pale indigo sky’ is vague. To decide in favour of it I would need there to be a prior poem as precedent. The Right’s poem is not particularly exemplary, but it does sound as if there are times like that. In the absence of a precedent for the Left, the poem of the Right wins.
[i] The source of this poem is unknown.
Round Four
Left
まくずはふ山ぢもはれてあきのよはこゆるたびびとやすき月かな
| makuzu hau yamaji mo harete aki no yo wa koyuru tabibito yasuki tsuki kana | Kudzu vines crawl Along the mountain paths, so clear On an autumn night for A traveller a’crossing Lit by a clement moon! |
Cell of the Fragrant Elephant
35
Right
くまもなきつきのひかりをながめてはひたけてぞしるよはあけにけり
| kuma mo naki tsuki no hikari o nagamete wa hi takete zo shiru yo wa akenikeri | No cloud mars The moon’s light, Filling my gaze, as A sun up high, telling me, Night leads to bright dawn. |
Cell of the Everlasting Truth
36
The poem of the Left has nothing to present in all of its syllables. The poem of the Right resembles a composition by someone drunk out of his mind. As a result, it’s impossible to decide between them.
In the poem of the Left, does ‘clement moonlight’ mean that the moon’s light enables one to traverse a mountain path, which normally one would be unable to make one’s way along because one would expect it to be dark? The diction here is insufficient. As it says in the preface to the Ancient and Modern Collection of Narihira’s poems, ‘excessive conception but lacking in diction, like withered flowers lacking colours, but with a lingering fragrance’. This is a poem in that style, isn’t it. As for the poem of the Right, this, too, has ‘night leads to bright dawn’—the diction here is stilted and the conception lacks elegance. I have to say these poems are of about the same standard.
Composed for the Palace Poetry Match held on the 10th day of the Eighth Month, Kanna 1.
いつもみる月ぞとおもへどあきのよはいかなるかげをそふるなるらん
| itumo miru tuki zo to omoFedo aki no yo Fa ika naru kage wo soFurunaruran | Always, do I see The moon, I thought, yet On an autumn night What is this light That trails over all? |
Fujiwara no Nagayoshi
Round Three
Left (Win)
いかにしてあきはひかりのまさるらんおなじみかさの山のはの月
| ika ni shite aki wa hikari no masaruran onaji mikasa no yama no ha no tsuki | Why is it that In autumn your light Should be best of all? Though always upon Mikasa Mountain’s edge you rest, O moon… |
Retired from the world
33
Right
秋のよはくもるといへどこと月のさやけきよりもさやけかりけり
| aki no yo wa kumoru to iedomo koto tsuki no sayakeki yori mo sayakarikeri | On an autumn night Cloudy it may be, yet Compared to another moon’s Brightness, ‘tis still More bright. |
Senior Assistant Minister Past Lecturer
34
Both the configuration and diction of the Left’s poem seem comprehensible. The poem of the Right’s use of ‘moon’ is dubious and blameworthy. Thus, the Left wins.
The poem of the Left doesn’t sound bad. I feel it has a well-trodden ending for a poem and it reminds me of the old line ‘what is this light’[1]—it’s extremely charming. In the Right’s poem, I wonder if ‘another moon’ might be referring to the calendar month, but listening to it, it really does sound as if there are two moons in the sky! Furthermore, the poem lacks fluency and is further case of a hasty retreat from the topic, isn’t it. It’s an excess of technique to say that the autumn moon is not inferior to any other, even if it’s covered with cloud.
[1] Composed for the Palace Poetry Match held on the 10th day of the Eighth Month, Kanna 1. いつもみる月ぞとおもへどあきのよはいかなるかげをそふるなるらん itsumo miru / tsuki zo to omoedo / aki no yo wa / ika naru kage o / sourunaruran ‘Always, do I see / The moon, I thought, yet / On an autumn night / What is this light / That trails over all?’ Fujiwara no Nagayoshi (GSIS IV: 256)
Round Two
Left (Win)
秋のよの月のひかりはかはらねどたびのそらこそあはれなりけれ
| aki no yo no tsuki no hikari wa kawaranedo tabi no sora koso aware narikeri | On an autumn night The moon’s light Is unchanged, yet The sky above me on my travels Is so very sad, indeed. |
Lord Saburō
31
Right
あきの夜はたのむる人もなきやどもありあけの月はなほぞまちいづる
| aki no yo wa tanomuru hito mo naki yado mo ariake no tsuki wa nao zo machi’izuru | On an autumn night With no man even expected At my house, It is the dawntime moon’s Appearance that, indeed, I have awaited. |
Ushigimi
32
The poem of the Left seems extremely well-trodden. It resembles a something sung as a popular song. As for the poem of the Right, ‘not…at my house’ is extraordinarily stilted, yet the poems are of the same quality, so I would say these tie.
The poem of the Left’s final ‘Is so very sad, indeed’ sounds pitiful and truly unskilled. The poem of the Right overemphasises ‘even’, and also appears to say that the dawntime moon is an element conveying a moving desolation. I wonder if this is appropriate for the topic of the ‘the moon’ in a poetry match? There needs to be a prior poem as precedent. It does say that the moon’s emergence after having waited for it is something precious, but the poem refers to the moon in the latter part of the month, after the twentieth day, doesn’t it? This would seem to be moving, for sure, but it’s something which doesn’t shed much light, so I would say that the Left wins.
