shigure ni wa suga no ogasa mo mizu morite ochi no tabibito nure ya shinuran
In such a shower A little hat of woven sedge, too, Drips with water; A distant traveller Is drenched, no doubt…
Lady Kazusa 9
Right (M – Win)
霜さえて枯行くをのの岡べなるならの朽葉にしぐれ降るなり
shimo saete kareyuku ono no okabe naru nara no kuchiba ni shigure furu nari
Chill the frost upon The sere meadows on The hillside where Upon the withered oak leaves A shower is falling.
Lord Mototoshi 10
Toshiyori states: In the first poem, ‘drips with water’ is vague. In the second poem, ‘hillside where’ lacks smoothness. What are we to make of ‘withered oak leaves’? If leaves have withered away, then they wouldn’t make any sound, would they. Is this even possible?
Mototoshi states: the diction of ‘In such a shower / A little umbrella of woven sedge, too, / Drips with water’ is something which lacks any prior precedent. ‘Dripping with water’ give the impression of a painted pot with a crack in it, so what kind of shower can this be? It would be more normal to refer to having to shelter beneath one’s sleeves. While it is lacking in any superlative features, I feel that the sound of a shower on withered oak leaves is somewhat more commonplace.
michi no be no ono no yūgiri tachikaeri mite koso yukame akihagi no hana
By the roadside Across the meadows evening mists Rise and fall endlessly; Thus would I go and see The autumn bush clover blooms.[1]
[1] An allusive variation on: For a poetry competition held in the Tenryaku era. 春ふかみゐてのかは浪たちかへり見てこそゆかめ山吹の花 haru fukami / ide no kawanami / tachikaeri / mite koso yukame / yamabuki no hana ‘In the depths of spring / Waves on the river at Idé / Rise and fall endlessly; / Thus would I go and see / The kerria blooms…’ Minamoto no Shitagō (SIS I: 68).
uzura naku tōsato ono no kohagiwara kokoronaki mi mo sugi’ukarikeri
Quails cry from Tōsato plain’s Bush-clover groves— Even one as insensitive as I Finds it hard to pass them by.
Kenshō Sukenokimi 15
Right
あきの野の花に心をそめしよりくさかやひめもあはれとぞ思ふ
aki no no no hana ni kokoro o someshi yori kusakayahime mo aware to zo omou
Since the autumn meadows’ Blooms my heart Did fill, for Kusakayahime Fondness, I feel!
Tōren 16
As for the Left, if one is composing about bush-clover groves, then I would want the poem to mention Miyagi Plain. As for the Right’s Kusakayahime, I wondered if she appeared in the Chronicles of Japan, but in that work you have Izanagi-no-miko and Izanami-no-miko, who wed and create the first land, Akitsushima, and then many provinces, mountains, rivers and seas and thus trees and plants, too. It further states that the primordial tree was Kukunochi and the primordial plant was Kayanohime. The conception of the Right’s poem does not differ from this, yet it continues to mention Kusakayahime, which is unclear. I get the feeling that this poem was composed with the works composed for the banquet held for the completion of the Chronicles of Japan in mind, which refer to each and every spring and the ancient Kayanohime, but even these poems did not differ in conception from that of the main work. It’s impossible to pick a loser or winner.
