shinagadori inano no hara no sasamakura makura no shimo ya yadoru tsukikage
Upon waterbird-filled Inano Plain, with A pillow of bamboo— And the frost upon my pillow is The moonlight’s lodging…[i]
583
[i] See: Topic unknown. しながどりゐなのをゆけばありまやま夕ぎり立ちぬやどはなくして shinagadori / inano o yukeba / arimayama / yūgiri tachinu / yado wa nakushite ‘Through waterbird-filled / Inano I go, as / Upon Arima Mountain / Evening mist has risen, and / Me without a lodging…’ Anonymous (Shinkokinshū X: 910)
hitori fusu kusa no makura no tsuyu no ue ni shiranu nobara no tsuki o miru kana
Lying alone Upon a grassy pillow Within the dew on This unknown plain I glimpse the moon.[i]
579
[i] See: Composed on the moon above the mountains. あしびきの山ぢのこけの露のうへにねざめ夜ぶかき月を見るかな ashibiki no / yamaji no koke no / tsuyu no ue ni / nezame yobukaki / tsuki o miru kana ‘Resting upon leg-wearying / Mountain trails’ moss / Atop the dew / I awoke late at night / And glimpsed the moon.’ Fujiwara no Hideyoshi (Shinkokinshū IV: 398): and: Composed as a travel poem. けふは又しらぬ野ばらに行きくれぬいづれの山か月はいづらん kyō wa mata / shiranu nobara ni / yukikurenu / izure no yama ka / tsuki wa izuran ‘Today, once more / Across an unknown plain /I go at sundown; / Which will be the mountain / Where the moon does rise?’ Minamoto no Ienaga (Shinkokinshū X: 956)
aki mo haya sue no harano ni naku shika no koe kiku toki zo tabi wa kanashiki
Autumn swiftly ends On the plain at Sue, where Belling out, a stag’s Cry I hear—‘tis then that My travels are sad, indeed![i]
577
[i] An allusive variation on: 梓弓 末之腹野尓 鷹田為 君之弓食之 将絶跡念甕屋 azusayumi / sue no harano ni / togarisuru / kimi ga yuzuru no / taemu to omoe ya ‘A catalpa bow / On the plain at Sue / A’hawking— / As your bowstring, / I wonder: will I be able to endure?’ Anonymous (Man’yōshū XI: 2638); and: A poem from the poetry competition at Prince Koresada’s house. おく山に紅葉ふみわけなく鹿のこゑきく時ぞ秋は悲しき okuyama ni / momiji fumiwake / naku shika no / koe kiku toki zo / aki wa kanashiki ‘In the mountains’ heart / Forging through the autumn leaves, / A calling stag: / When I hear his voice I feel, / Autumn is sorrowful, indeed.’ Anonymous (Kokinshū IV: 215)
yomosugara matsu ni wa nakade hototogisu ashita no hara ni hitokoe zo kiku
All through the night I pined without a song, O, cuckoo Then with the morn on Ashita plain I hear a single call!
Cell of Fragrant Cloud 25
Right (Win)
五月にはしばなくやとぞほととぎすなほうらまちにさぬるよもなし
satsuki ni wa shiba naku ya to zo hototogisu nao uramachi ni sanuru yo mo nashi
In the Fifth Month Incessantly might he sing—I think, so The cuckoo I am already eagerly awaiting, Sleeping not at all on any night!
Cell of Compassionate Light 26
The Left’s poem seems to have an extraordinary conception, yet its diction is insufficient. The Right’s poem is old-fashionedly artless and thus has elements which are entirely poetically backward-looking.
The Left’s poem is particularly oddly composed in that is fails to account for the essential meaning of Ashita Plain. Does saying a ‘single call now’[1] mean that that one could wait expectantly during the day, too?
As for the Right’s poem, a cuckoo is not something that calls incessantly, yet I wonder if this composition is not, in some form, a plea that it would? As for ‘eagerly await’, well, I feel that it would be better to have ‘awaited’ rather than ‘awaiting’—that sounds like something one would have done ‘nothing but’ first. It seems a bit distasteful, like a poem by someone who has been perusing the Collection of a Myriad Leaves.
[1] On a folding screen for the Coming-of-Age Ceremony of the Northern Princess. 行きやらで山ぢくらしつほととぎす今ひとこゑのきかまほしさに yukiyarade / yamaji kurashitsu / hototogisu / ima hitokoe no / kikamahoshisa ni ‘I cannot go ahead / As twilight falls upon the mountain paths / For a cuckoo’s / Single call now / Is what I long to hear…’ Minamoto no Kintada (SIS II: 106)
uwaba fuku ashita no hara no akikaze ni onore utsurou hagi no shitazuyu
Blowing upon the upper leaves Over Ashita Plain, The autumn breeze touches, Fading all of itself The dripping dew upon the bush clover.
Tomoshige 63
Right
今よりはたが涙とか成りぬらん下葉色づく秋萩の露
ima yori wa ta ga namida to ka narinuran shitaba irozuku akihagi no tsuyu
From now on Whose tears might They become? Colouring the underleaves Are dewdrops upon the autumn bush clover…[1]
Dharma Master Zenshin 64
Left and Right are in the same style. The Right’s poem wonders ‘whose are these tears’ and has a person’s tears as the dew upon the grass, which is something one often hears. Using dew on the grass as a person’s tears is a bit vague, yet it’s not going so far as to be a definite fault. These should tie.
[1] An allusive variation on: Topic unknown. あきはぎのしたば色づく今よりやひとりある人のいねがてにする akihagi no / shitaba irozuku / ima yori ya / hitori aru hito no / inegatenisuru ‘The autumn bush clover’s / Underleaves are colouring / From this point on, / For one all alone / Will sleep be harder to find?’ Anonymous (KKS IV: 220)
