fujibakama kitemiru hito mo naki yado ni koisu chō na no ikade tachiken
My violet asters To come to see no one is There at my house, so Why has a rumour of love Arisen here?
Chikafusa 35
Right
わが恋ふる人もきてみぬ蘭何とてつゆの染めておくらん
wa ga kouru hito mo kiteminu fujibakama nani tote tsuyu no somete’okuran
I love him, yet That man has not come to see you O, asters, so Why does the dewfall Dye you in its falling?
The Head’s Daughter 36
The Left’s overall impression is not bad, but I am curious about why a rumour of love should darken the door of a house, if it’s one where ‘no one comes to see’. Then, the Right uses ‘Why does the dewfall / Dye you in its falling?’—this seems like an excessive use of diction and the sequencing doesn’t sound smooth, so these seem of about the same standard.
