utsuriyuku hana no shita michi ato mo nashi nagame mo shiroki haru no yamakaze
The shifting Blossom on the paths beneath Leaves no footprints there; My gaze with whiteness filled By spring’s breezes in the mountains.
Dōchin 23
Right (Win)
身にかへておもふもくるし桜花さかぬみ山に宿もとめてん
mi ni kaete omou mo kurushi sakurabana sakanu miyama ni yado mo tometen
It should be me instead, I think, but even that brings pain; Where cherry blossoms Fail to bloom, deep within the mountains Should I make my home.
Dharma Master Nyokan 24
The Left’s poem does not sound poor, but has ‘gaze with whiteness’—a long time ago, Lay Priest Toshinari repeatedly said that it is not appropriate to compose about looking at something specific using ‘gaze’. The initial and concluding section of the Right’s poem sound fine—it should win.
hitogokoro utsurihatenuru hana no iro ni mukashi nagara no yama no na mo oshi
As a human heart All faded are The blossoms’ hues upon Ever unchanged Nagara Mountain—even its name brings regret.[1]
A Court Lady 17
Right
なぞもかく思ひそめけむ桜花やまとしたかく成りはつるまで
nazo mo kaku omoisomekemu sakurabana yama toshi takaku narihatsuru made
Why is it that I seem so Absorbed in thought of Cherry blossom that The mountain higher Has grown? [2]
Lord Ietaka 18
The Right’s poem mentioning ‘Grief as hard as felling trees upon a mountain higher’ has charming diction. As for the Left’s poem, while I have heard it strongly stated that using a ‘human heart’ is not diction that should be composed with these days, as this is not a poem for public circulation, for the moment I make this a tie.
