Left.
空晴れて山の端出づる日影にも乾きもやらぬ袖の上かな
sora harete
yama no ha izuru
hikage ni mo
kawaki mo yaranu
sode no ue kana |
The sky clears and
From the mountains’ edge appears
The sunlight, yet
It cannot even dry
The surface of my sleeves… |
Lord Ari’ie.
797
Right (Win).
澤に出て朝菜摘むとも覺えぬあやしきほどに濡るゝ袖哉
sawa ni idete
asana tsumu
tomo oboenu
ayashiki hodo ni
nururu sode kana |
Going out to the marshes and
Gathering greens for breakfast –
I cannot recall at all;
How strange it is that
My sleeves are then so drenched… |
Lord Tsune’ie.
798
The Right state: we find no faults to mention in the Left’s poem. The Left state: recalling gathering greens for breakfast is something one can do in the afternoon or the evening. In addition, ‘I cannot recall’ (oboenu) is prosaic in content.
In judgement: the Left’s poem simply says that the sunlight is unable to dry one’s sleeves, and contains little conception of love. The Right’s ‘sleeves’ sound as if they have been most extraordinarily drenched, so the Right should win.
Left (Win).
浪寄する澤の蘆邊をふし侘て風に立つなり鴫の羽がき
nami yosuru
sawa no ashibe o
fushiwabite
kaze ni tatsunari
shigi no hanegaki |
A wave beats on
The marshy reed beds;
Roost broken, sorrowfully
Starting up into the breeze
The snipe work their wings. |
A Servant Girl.
407
Right.
明ぬとて澤立つ鴫の一聲は羽かくよりも哀なりけり
akenu tote
sawa tatsu shigi no
hito koe wa
hane kaku yori mo
aware narikeri |
Crying that there’s no dawn yet,
Starting from the marsh, a snipe’s
Single call,
More that his beating wings
Summons sadness… |
Ietaka.
408
The Right wonder, ‘if it wouldn’t be rather difficult for a lightly beat its wings on taking off into the wind, as in the Left’s poem?’ The Left respond with, ‘In the Right’s poem, the accustomed reference to the sound of the snipe’s wings, seems subordinated to its cry. Is that right?’
Shunzei’s judgement: A snipe’s wing-beats on taking off into a strong wind are not that vigorous. ‘The snipe work their wings’ (shigi no hanegaki) is what they do, whether gently or not. However, this poem has more of a feeling of reed-bed dwelling birds like cranes, or plovers. In the Right’s poem, it’s not clear what kind of snipe it is ‘starting from the marsh’. The Left’s ‘reed-bed snipe’ should win.
Left (Win).
はかなしや荒れたる宿のうたゝ寢に稲妻通ふ手枕の露
hakanashi ya
aretaru yado no
utatane ni
inazuma kayou
tamakura no tsuyu |
How brief it was!
In a ruined dwelling
Dozing, when
Lightning crossed
The dewdrops on my pillowing arm… |
A Servant Girl.
333
Right.
すだき來し澤の螢は影消てたえだえ宿る宵の稲妻
sudakikoshi
sawa no hotaru wa
kage kiete
taedae yadoru
yoi no inazuma |
All together have
The fireflies above the marsh
Lost their light;
Briefly remaining,
Lightning at the dusk… |
Jakuren.
334
The Right state that they have no criticisms of the Left’s poem. The Left wonder about the suitability of fireflies disappearing in the autumn.
Shunzei feels, ‘The Left’s poem is certainly charming in form and expression, but more thought should have been given to the initial phrase “How brief it was!” (hakanashi ya). The Right’s poem, too, is charming, and as for fireflies being a topic for summer poetry alone, in autumn it is acceptable to compose on the failing of their light, is it not? Did not Anjin compose “Fireflies flashing on the palace stairs and gates/Crickets crying from the eaves and tiles”? There is also the example from the Collection of Songs to Sing Aloud of “Seeking cuckoo calls in the dawntime clouds/Innumerable fireflies flit among the autumn grasses”. Still, the Left’s “dewdrops on my pillowing arm” wins, I think.’
'Simply moving and elegant'