kaze no oto ni waki zo kanemashi matsu ga ne no makura ni moranu shigure nariseba
The gusts of wind I cannot tell apart from The rustle of the pines roots For my pillow should no drips From the shower fall…
Lord Sanefusa 97
Right
たびのいほはあらしにたぐふよこしぐれしばのかこひにとまらざりけり
tabi no io wa arashi ni taguu yoko shigure shiba no kakoi ni tomarazarikeri
My traveller’s hut Is lashed by the storm wind’s Sideways showers— The brushwood walls Halt it not at all.
Lord Yorimasa 98
The conception and configuration of the poem of the Left, starting ‘I cannot tell apart from / The rustle of the pines’ and continuing ‘For my pillow should no drips / From the shower fall’ is, once again, truly exceptional! As for the poem of the Right, while it appears to have a charming style and use of diction, even if it is the case that ‘sideways showers’ are a genuine phenomenon, it fails to sound particularly elegant, doesn’t it. In addition, the latter section of the poem, ‘the brushwood walls’, feels slightly lacking in conception. Thus, I make the Left the winner.
koyoi shimo ayaniku ni furu shigure kana mabara ni saseru shiba no iori ni
Of all nights How unfortunate it is that falls A shower! Upon my crudely erected Brushwood hut!
Lord Kinshige 83
Right
くさまくらつゆけきたびのくれはとりあやにくにまたしぐれふるなり
kusamakura tsuyukeki tabi no kurehatori akaniku ni mata shigure furu nari
My grassy pillow is Dew-drenched on my travels At Kurehatori—the weaver’s town! How warped that still A shower falls here!
Enjitsu 84
Both Left and Right have their showers falling unfortunately, and the poem of the Right starts with ‘Kurehatori’ and continues with ‘warped’ which sounds charming, but to mention ‘dew-drenched travels’ and follow this with Kurehatori give a somewhat unexpected impression. The Left lacks anything as individual as Kurehatori’s warp, but ‘crudely erected’ is a direct description and, thus I could make the Left the winner.
kokoro are ya kaki na kurashi so hatsushigure mada sashihatezu shiba no kari’io
Have some sympathy, And bring no darkness, O, first shower! For I have yet to finish putting up My crude brushwood hut…
Lord Suetsune 77
Right (Win)
すみよしのまつがしたねのたびまくらしぐれもかぜにききまがへつつ
sumiyoshi no matsu ga shita ne no tabimakura shigure mo kaze ni kikimagaetsutsu
At Sumiyoshi Beneath the pines, their roots are My journey-pillow, as The shower, too, with the gusting wind I hear blending together.
Takanobu 78
The Left’s latter section, which states that the poet has ‘yet to finish putting up’ his hut, has a truly charming configuration as a poem on the conception of travel, but the phrase ‘have some sympathy’ does not appear to be a conception which has prior precedent. It could be a way of expressing the emotion through the shower. As for the Right, while I do question the sound of ‘journey-pillow’, it is the case that in Cathay-style poems this appears, but what are we do to about the fact that this is not ‘pillow on my journey’, I wonder? The sequencing of ‘the shower, too, with the wind’ is pleasant, isn’t it. Thus, I make the Right the winner.
kishi chikami tabine no toko o utsu nami no kaeru hima ni zo shigure to wa shiru
Close by the coast My journey’s bed is Struck by waves; In the space as they withdraw, I know that showers are falling.
Dharma Master Yūsei 63
Right
しばのとをたたくあらしのおとにまたしぐれうちそふたびのよはかな
shiba no to o tataku arashi no oto ni mata shigure uchisou tabi no yowa kana
Upon my brushwood door The storm wind came a’knocking; The sound then Laced with showers, At midnight on my travels!
Norimori 64
In the Left’s poem, it sounds as if the shower is continuing to fall quietly, yet it then appears to have the conception that one knows the showers are falling in the gaps between the waves breaking. In the Right’s poem, ‘The storm wind came a’knocking; / The sound then’ sounds charming, but I do wonder about how it looks to have lines beginning beginning with both ‘brushwood door’ [shiba no to] and ‘showers’ [shigure]. Thus, again, these tie.
Both Left and Right are exaggerated in their insistence that the other’s poem lacks any faults.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘Upon Mt Yoshino, in fitful sleep upon a bed of bamboo’ (yoshinoyama suzu no karine ni) would seem to suggest an ascetic who, having travelled into the mountains, has made himself a hut from bamboo and pillowed upon the tree roots, would it not? But here he seems to have simply cut them down, spread them out and lain upon them! In addition, ‘The wind gusts through the pines’ (matsukaze hayashi) fails to sound elegant [yū ni shi kikoezaru]. The Right, by starting with ‘On the mountains’ edge’ (toyamanaru), suggests that the poet is speaking of his own dwelling’s door in the mountains. ‘Hearing hail blown horizontal against the pines’ (arare yokogiru matsu no oto) also just does not sound appropriate. Both poems have an exaggerated feeling [kotogotoshikaran to wa kokorozashite], and I cannot grasp who they are referring to. However, the Left’s poem is, still, somewhat superior.
Both teams say they can appreciate the sentiment of the opposing team’s poem.
Shunzei agrees: ‘Both the Left’s “hills around my dwelling” (oka no be no sato) and the Right’s “arrow bamboo groves” (ono no shinohara) are charming. “Sealed by mugwort was this brushwood door; swept clear by the gale” (yomogi ni tojishi shiba no to mo nowaki ni haruru) and “Even my hut has blown away: unable to endure the gales” (iori made koso nabikikere nowaki ni taenu) have no failings in form between them. Thus, the round ties.’
