Tag Archives: shower

Winter I: 21

Left.

人目こそ離れも果てなめ山里に日影も見えず霙降るころ

hitome koso
kare mo hatename
yamazato ni
hikage mo miezu
mizore furu koro
The bustle of folk
Seems so far away,
In a mountain home
Where no sunlight but
Sleet does fall…

Lord Ari’ie.

521

Right (Win).

かき曇りみぞるゝ空や冴えそめて氷も果てぬ時雨なるらん

kakikumori
mizoruru sora ya
saesomete
kōri mo hatenu
shigure naruran
Gathering clouds,
Sleeting, fill the sky;
The first chill of
Endless ice
In the coming shower…

Ietaka.

522

The Right state that they are unable to understand the point of ‘Sleet does fall’ (mizore furu koro). The Left state that ‘sleeting’ (mizoruru) is grating on the ear [kikinikushi]. In addition, the initial 5-7-5 structure is inconsistent [kiregire nari].

Shunzei’s judgement: In the Left’s poem what is the problem with understanding ‘sleet does fall’? However, what I would want it to say next is that the sunlight always falls. In the Right’s poem, one could have said ‘sleeted sky’ (mizoreshi sora), but ‘sleeting sky’ is also unproblematic [nan ni oyobubekarazu]. ‘Endless ice in the coming shower’ (kōri mo hatenu shigure naruran) is an unusual conception [kokoro mezurashiku], and ‘the first chill’ (saesomete) is also well positioned. The Right is slightly better and should win.

SKKS XI: 1028

Composed on ‘long hidden love’ at the Poetry Office Poetry Competition.

いその神ふるの神すぎふりぬれどいろにはいでずつゆも時雨も

isonokami
furu no kami sugi
furinuredo
iro ni wa idezu
tsuyu mo shigure mo
In Isonokami
At Furu, the ancient, sacred cedar trees
Are old, yet
Their colours never change
With dew or shower fall…

The Regent and Grand Minister [Fujiwara no Yoshitsune]
藤原良経