Tag Archives: smoke

Love VI: 9

Left.
戀わびて心空なる浮雲や行衛も知らずはてはなるべき

koi wabite
kokoro sora naru
ukigumo ya
yukue mo shirazu
hate ha narubeki
Suffering with love
My heart is as the sky-bound
Drifting clouds:
In some unknown place
Is where it will end…

Lord Kanemune.
917

Right (Win).
戀死ぬるよはの煙の雲とならば君が宿にやわきてしぐれん

koi shinuru
yowa no kemuri no
kumo to naraba
kimi ga yado ni ya
wakite shiguren
Should I die of love, and
Final smoke
Clouds become,
To your dwelling will I
Drift and descend?

Nobusada.
918

The Right state: does the Left’s poem really expresses the love of drifting clouds? The Left state: the Right’s poem is more suited to the topic of ‘Love and Smoke’.

In judgement: with regard to the Left’s poem, Lady Sagami’s poem from the Eishō Imperial Palace Poetry Competition: ‘Before I know it/In my heart, sky-bound/is my love’ (itsu to naku/kokoro sora naru/wa ga koi ya) would be a good prior example, but this poem inserts ‘drifting clouds’ (ukigumo ya), which is illogical. As for the Right’s poem, ‘To your dwelling will I drift and descend?’ (kimi ga yado ni ya wakite shiguren) sounds fine. Thus, and for this reason, the Right wins.

 

Love III: 6

Left (Win).

袖の波胸の煙は誰も見よ君が憂き名の立つぞ悲しき

sode no nami
mune no kemuri wa
tare mo miyo
kimi ga ukina no
tatsu zo kanashiki
The waves upon my sleeves, and
The smoke rising from my breast –
Let all see them!
But should you, my love, be called heartless,
That would make me sad…

A Servant Girl.

731

Right.

うとからぬ人こそ今は恨みけれ忍びしほどの心強さを

utokaranu
hito koso ima wa
uramikere
shinobishi hodo no
kokorozuyosa o
My family and friends
Now I do
Despise:
For when our love was hidden,
They were all so cold…

Jakuren.

732

The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults to indicate. The Left state: by prioritising the emotions of the relatives, the poem does not clearly express the conception of Love.

In judgement: the initial section of the Left’s poem sounds fine, but the final ‘would make me sad’ (kanashiki) is going too far. The Gentlemen of the Left have accurately described the faults of the Right’s poem, but beyond that there is nothing praiseworthy in the poem’s style, either. Thus I make the Left the winner.

Love I: 4

Left (Win).

靡かじな海士の藻塩火焚き初めて煙は空にくゆりわぶ共

nabikaji na
ama no moshiobi
takisomete
kemuri wa sora ni
kuyuriwabutomo
She has not so much as waved to me, yet
The fisher-folk salt fires
Have begun to kindle and
The smoke into the skies
Has yet to rise…

Lord Sada’ie.

607

ight.

葦の屋の隙漏る雨の雫こそ音聞かぬより袖は濡れけれ

ashi no ya no
hima moru ame no
shizuku koso
oto kikanu yori
sode wa nurekeri
Through a roof of reeds’
Chinks, drenching rain
Drops
Make no sound, yet
Soak my sleeves.

Lord Takanobu.

608

The Right state that it should be kuyuru in the Left’s poem – and that they are not accustomed to hearing kuyuri. The Left state that, ‘while the rain falling on a roof of reeds would make no sound, once it became drops dripping through, it would. In addition, while it “makes no sound”, how can it be love?’

Shunzei’s judgement: The gentlemen of the Right’s claim that the Left’s poem should be kuyuri is incorrect. This is simply a case of the same diction as in utsuru-utsuri, todomaru-todomari – I should not have to give more examples. In form the poems do have good and bad points [utazama zen’aku arubeki]. I have the feeling I have recently seen something similar to the Right’s metaphorical use of a roof of reeds. Or maybe it was not that recently. The Left’s ‘has yet to rise’ seems better. I shall make it the winner.

Winter II: 13

Left.

山里の寂しさ思ふ煙ゆへ絶え絶え立てる峯の椎柴

yamazato no
sabishisa omou
keburi yue
taedae tateru
mine no shiishiba
That mountain dwelling’s
Loneliness feeling,
The smoke,
Rising in sporadic strands:
The brushwood on the peak…

A Servant Girl.

565

Right (Win).

冬籠る草の戸ざしは霜枯れてま近き山の峯の椎柴

fuyugomoru
kusa no tozashi wa
shimogarete
majikaki yama no
mine no shiishiba
Sealed in winter
The blockading grasses are
Seared by frost, and
How much closer is the mountain
Peak’s brushwood.

Jakuren.

566

Both teams say that the conceptions of the two poems resemble each other closely [kokoro hōfutsu].

Shuzei’s judgement: The Left, by starting, ‘That mountain dwelling’s loneliness feeling, the smoke’ (yamazato no sabishisa omou keburi yue) sounds as if it is the brushwood itself which has some sensitivity to the situation, and are rising up from time to time. I wonder about that. The Right’s evergreen groves ‘nearing the mountain’ (majikaki yama) is what should win.

Winter II: 2

Left (Win).

宿ごとに絶えぬ朝餉の煙さへ冬の氣色はさびしかりけり

yadogoto ni
taenu asake no
kemuri sae
fuyu no keshiki wa
sabishikarikeri
From every house
Unending is the breakfasts’
Smoke – and even that
Makes a winter scene
All the more lonely.

Lord Ari’ie.

543

Right.

朝まだき嵐は庭を渡れども雪には跡もつかぬ也けり

asa madaki
arashi wa niwa o
wataredomo
yuki ni wa ato mo
tsukanu narikeri
Early in the morning
The storm wind, o’er my garden
Gusts, yet
Upon the fallen snow no trace
It leaves.

Lord Tsune’ie.

544

The Right say the Left’s poem ‘isn’t bad’ [ashikarazu]. The Left say the Right’s poem is ‘commonplace’ [tsune no koto nari].

Shunzei’s judgement: Although the Left’s ‘unending is the breakfasts’ smoke – and even that’ (taenu asake no kemuri sae) is lacking in poetic qualities [utashina no naku wa haberedo], the gentlemen of the Right have judged it not to be bad. As for the Right, if a storm blows through a garden, even if there is no snow, surely there would be some trace of it, wouldn’t there? The Left should win.

Summer II: 15

Left (Tie).

蚊遣火の煙いぶせき賤の庵にすゝけぬ物は夕顔の花

kayaribi no
kemuri ibuseki
shizu no io ni
susukenu mono wa
yūgao no hana
Mosquito smudge fires’
Fumes fill the dreary
Peasant’s hut; but
Untouched by soot are
The moonflower blooms.

Lord Suetsune.

269

Right (Tie).

煙立つ賤が庵か薄霧のまがきに咲ける夕顔の花

kemuri tatsu
shizu no iori ka
usugiri no
magaki ni sakeru
yūgao no hana
Is this smoke rising from
The peasants’ huts?
Faintly misted
Blooming on the rough-hewn fence
Are moonflowers…

Ietaka.

270

The Right have no criticisms to make this round. The Left simply say the phrase ‘huts? Faintly misted’ (iori ka usugiri) ‘stands out’.

Again, Shunzei is blunt: ‘The Left’s “untouched by soot” (susukenu) and the Right’s “faintly misted” (usugiri) are both equally poor. The round should tie.’