From the Poetry Contest in 1500 Rounds.
あさ日かげにほへる山のさくら花つれなくきえぬ雪かとぞみる
| asahi kage nioeru yama no sakurabana tsurenaku kienu yuki ka to zo miru | Daybreak sunrise Lights the mountains’ Cherry blossom— A stubbornly resistant Snowfall do they seem to be? |
Lord Fujiwara no Ari’ie
Left 梅のはなしるきかならでうつろはば雪降りやまぬ春とこそ見め
| ume no hana shiru ki ka narade utsurowaba yuki furiyamanu haru to koso mime | Of the plum blossom Is this tree not aware, so If it fades An endless snowfall Will seem to mark this spring. |
5
Right
春の日に霞わけつつとぶ雁の見えみみえずみ雲がくれ行く
| haru no hi ni kasumi waketsutsu tobu kari no mie mi miezu mi kumogakureyuku | The springtime sun Keeps breaking through the haze, so The geese, winging, Appear and are lost to view Vanishing within the clouds. |
6
Left (Win).
訪へかしな庭の白雪跡絶えてあはれも深き冬の朝を
| toekashi na niwa no shirayuki ato taete aware mo fukaki fuyu no ashita o |
I would go a’calling; In my garden the white snowfall Has covered all the tracks; How deep is my sorrow, On this winter morning! |
545
Right.
軒のうち雀の聲は馴るれども人こそ知らぬ今朝の白雪
| noki no uchi ni suzume no koe wa naruredomo hito koso shiranu kesa no shirayuki |
From underneath the eaves To the sparrows’ chirps Have I grown accustomed, yet No one noticed This morning’s fall of snow so white… |
545
The Right state that the Left’s initial line makes their poemsound like a reply. In addition, the final line is ‘overly forceful’ [itau tsuyoku]. The Left merely comment that the Right’s use of ‘sparrow’ (suzume) is ‘inappropriate’.
Shunzei’s judgement: Even though the Left’s poem is not a reply, starting with ‘I would go a’calling’ (toekashi na) is common in the reply style [zōtōtei]. In addition, ‘Winter Mornings’ is not a topic which one needs to approach obliquely. There are only the good and bad points of the poetry. ‘From underneath the eaves to the sparrows’ chirps have I grown accustomed’ (noki no uchi ni suzume no koe wa naruru) is not an expression much used about morning snow. However, the final section of the poem appears fine. ‘Sparrows’ chirps’ (suzume no koe) is, perhaps, somewhat colloquial [zoku no chikaku]. Despite the comment by the gentlemen of the Right that the final section of the Left’s poem is ‘overly forceful’, it is a better ‘Winter Morning’ poem.
Left (Win).
暮そめて草の葉なびく風のまに垣根涼しき夕顔の花
| kuresomete kusa no ha nabiku kaze no ma ni kakine suzushiki yūgao no hana |
At the first fall of dusk Blades of grass rustle In the breeze; On the brushwood fence coolly Blooms a moonflower. |
271
Right.
日數ふる雪にしほれし心地して夕顔咲ける賤が竹垣
| hikazu furu yuki ni shioreshi kokochishite yūgao sakeru shizu ga takegaki |
Day after passing day Of snowfall has draped it, I feel, Moonflowers blooming on A peasant’s bamboo fence. |
272
The Right state, ‘Both “first fall of dusk” (kuresomete) and “in the breeze” (kaze no ma ni) are unusual expressions.’ The Left in return say, ‘It sounds as if the bamboo fence is weighed down with moonflowers!’ (The Left here are interpreting the verb shioru to mean ‘bend down’ which is one of its senses. I have not followed this in my translation, in line with Shunzei’s judgement, below.)
Shunzei comments, ‘The gentlemen of the Right have stated that “first fall of dusk” (kuresomete) and “in the breeze” (kaze no ma ni) are unusual expressions, but I do not feel this to be particularly the case. As for yuki ni shiroreshi, surely this simply means that the fence is draped. In any case, however, “on the brushwood fence, coolly” is the superior poem in every way.’