tamamo | Waka Poetry

Round Seven

Left

恋せじとおもひなるせによる浪のかへりてそれもくるしかりけり

koiseji to
omoinaru se ni
yoru nami no
kaerite sore mo
kurushikarikeri

I’ll love you no more,
Did I come to think, the crash of
Breaking waves
Returning, but that, too
Has brought me pain.

Lord Kanemasa
61

Right (Both Judges – Win)

玉藻かる忍ぶの浦の蜑だにもいとかく袖はぬるるものかは

tamamo karu
shinobu no ura no
ama dani mo
ito kaku sode wa
nururu mono ka wa

Reaping gemweed
On Shinobu shore,
Do even the fisherfolk
Have sleeves so very
Drenched, indeed?

Lord Masamitsu
62

Toshiyori states: both of these are charming, however, a line from a famous poem is used for as the initial section, and in such cases the new poem should not closely evoke the source. Someone once said something similar, a long time ago. It’s a bit inferior, isn’t it.

Mototoshi states: neither of these contain any errors, yet the section following the central ‘crash of / Breaking waves’ seems intermittently painful, with sleeves damper than those of the fisherfolk on Shinobu shore. It seems a bit better at present.

Left (Tie)

すみよしのきしうつなみにてる月はこかげもあかしまつのむらだち

sumiyoshi no
kishi utsu nami ni
teru tsuki wa
kokage mo akashi
matsu no muradachi

At Sumiyoshi
Upon the waves, striking the shore,
Shines the moon—
The shadows of the trees are bright
Among the crowding pines.

Chūnagon, in service to the Former Ise Virgin[1]
45

Right

としふりてかみさびにけるすみのえのきしのたまもをみがく月かげ

toshi furite
kamisabinikeru
suminoe no
kishi no tamamo o
migaku tsukikage

Ancient in years is
The dread
Suminoe
Shore, where gemweed
Is polished by the moonlight.

Novice Sokaku[2]
46

The Left’s poem has a truly charming conception, with ‘Upon the waves, striking the shore, / Shines the moon’ reflecting and making the pines’ shadows shine. However, what are we to make of the use of ‘bright’ here? My late master once stated that he had too often heard such diction being used. The poem of the right appears to have pleasant configuration and diction, but, while it is only natural to say that the Suminoe’s shore is dread, I wonder about the appropriateness of going so far as to say that gemweed is? It’s going a bit far, I think, to bring in ‘gemweed’ simply to link it to ‘polish’. Nevertheless, the configuration of the poem appears pleasant, so I call this a tie.