Tag Archives: toshitsuki

Love III: 28


ika narishi
yoyo no mukui no
tsurasa nite
kono toshitsuki ni
How many are
My lives blessed with
Pain alone, that
Through these passing years and months
It shows no sign of weakening?

Lord Sada’ie


toshi henishi
tsuraki ni taete
nagarau to
kikaren sae zo
ima wa kanashiki
The years have passed
In nothing but pain
On and on;
All you would hear from me, though,
Is that, now, I am sad.

Lord Takanobu

The Right state: ‘It shows no sign of weakening’ [yowarazaruran] seems unsatisfactory in its  placement in this poem. The Left state: there are no faults to inidicate.

In judgement: the Left’s second section seems fine, but the initial section’s ‘pain alone’ (tsurasa)  sounds overly forceful. However, in the Right’s poem ‘All you would hear from me, though, is that, now, I am sad’ (kikaren sae zo ima wa kanashiki) in the final section seems both overly explicit and somewhat weak. I cannot award a win this round.