人しれぬ恋は年月経ぬれどもうち出づるけふをはじめにやする
| hito shirenu koi wa toshitsuki henuredomo uchi’izuru kyō o hajime ni ya suru | Unknown to all My love for years and months Has endured, yet Emerging today, Should I make a start of it? |
Tamekata
46
What is this about?
Tag Archives: toshitsuki
Eikyū hyakushu 651
Love III: 28
Left.
いかなりし世世の報ひのつらさにてこの年月に弱らざるらん
| ika narishi yoyo no mukui no tsurasa nite kono toshitsuki ni yowarazaruran |
How many are My lives blessed with Pain alone, that Through these passing years and months It shows no sign of weakening? |
Lord Sada’ie
775
Right.
年経にしつらきに堪へてながらふと聞かれんさへぞ今は悲しき
| toshi henishi tsuraki ni taete nagarau to kikaren sae zo ima wa kanashiki |
The years have passed In nothing but pain On and on; All you would hear from me, though, Is that, now, I am sad. |
Lord Takanobu
776
The Right state: ‘It shows no sign of weakening’ [yowarazaruran] seems unsatisfactory in its placement in this poem. The Left state: there are no faults to inidicate.
In judgement: the Left’s second section seems fine, but the initial section’s ‘pain alone’ (tsurasa) sounds overly forceful. However, in the Right’s poem ‘All you would hear from me, though, is that, now, I am sad’ (kikaren sae zo ima wa kanashiki) in the final section seems both overly explicit and somewhat weak. I cannot award a win this round.