sumiyoshi no matsu no muradachi kaze saete shikitsu no nami ni yadoru tsukikage
At Sumiyoshi The pines crowd together In the chilly wind, as Upon the waves at Shikitsu Lodges moonlight.
Lord Fujiwara no Sane’ie Supernumerary Middle Captain of the Inner Palace Guards, Right Division Exalted Junior Third Rank[1] 11
Right
なにはえのそこにやどれる月をみてまたすみのぼるわがこころかな
naniwae no soko ni yadoreru tsuki o mite mata suminoboru wa ga kokoro kana
At Naniwa Bay, Lodged on the bottom, The moon fills my gaze, as Once more, clearly soars My heart!
Lord Fujiwara no Atsuyori Junior Fifth Rank, Upper Grade Without Office[2] 12
In the Left’s poem, I can say that the configuration of ‘Upon the waves at Shikitsu / Lodges moonlight’ is pleasant. In the Right’s poem, saying ‘Lodged on the bottom, / The moon fills my gaze, as / Once more, clearly soars / My heart!’ appears to show deep thought but, while it appears that ‘Naniwa Bay’ encompasses Sumiyoshi, the conception of the topic expressing ‘over the shrine’ sounds somewhat vague. Then again, the Left’s tone is more in keeping with a poem for a poetry match, but it lacks any language particularly evocative of the topic, so the round ties.
yū kakuru kokochi koso sure sumiyoshi no matsu no kozue o terasu tsukikage
All hung with sacred streamers I feel they are— At Sumiyoshi The treetops of the pines Shining in the moonlight.
Lord Fujiwara no Shigenori Captain of the Outer Palace Guards, Left Division Exalted Senior Third Rank[1] 9
Right
すみよしのまつのこずゑをみわたせばこよひぞかくる月のしらゆふ
sumiyoshi no matsu no kozue o miwataseba koyoi zo kakuru tsuki no shirayū
When, at Sumiyoshi Over the treetops of the pines I pass my gaze, Hung are they, this midnight With the moon’s white sacred streamers…
Lord Fujiwara no Morikata Junior Fourth Rank, Lower Grade Without Office[2] 10
Left and Right have produced poems on the moon, both with the conception of it resembling white sacred streamers hung on the treetops of the pines, while the differences between them are charming, it does not sound as if the poem of the Right has any reason for singling out ‘this midnight’, while nothing appears lacking in the beauty of the Left’s work and thus, once more, it wins.
[1]Shōsan’i-gyō sahyōe no kami Fujiwara ason Shigenori正三位行左兵衛督藤原朝臣成範
tsukikage wa saenikerashina kamigaki ya yorube no mizu ni tsurara’iru made
The moonlight Seems so chill, that In the sacred grounds Jars of proffered water Are rimmed with icicles…
Lord Fujiwara no Kiyosuke Junior Fourth Rank, Upper Grade Without Office[1] 7
Right
つきかげにかなづるきねがころもではゆきをめぐらすここちこそすれ
tsukikage ni kanazuru kine ga koromode wa yuki o megurasu kokochi koso sure
In the moonlight Dancing, the priests’ Sleeves Stir the snow— That’s how I feel…
Lord Consultant Fujiwara no Sanetsuna Major Controller of the Left Chief Inspector of the Records of Outgoing Officials Supernumerary Governor of Awa Exalted Junior Third Rank[1] 8
In the Left’s poem, the expression ‘Jars of proffered water / Are rimmed with icicles’ appears to make for a pleasant sequence but seems to have some dubious elements. First of all, I am aware that ‘proffered water’ is mentioned in the Tale of Genji in a poem on the day of the Kamo Festival: ‘That may be, but / Even in the jars of proffered water / Might not appear’[3], but beyond that, it is not used in prior poetry.[i] The water here sounds rather crude to these ears of mine; when one is using figurative language, although it seems possible to do so about any shrine, when referring to the moon before this one, to ignore a description of ice upon the surface of the sea or the beach being spread with pure white gemstones and simply to focus on ‘jars of proffered water’ and say one feels it ‘seems so chill’—well, I do wonder about that! As for the Right’s poem, the movements of a dance have long been described as ‘flurrying snow’ in the poetry of Cathay and now here we have the moonlight appearing to ‘stir the snow’—the conception here appears truly charming, but then we have the section saying ‘Dancing, the priests’: while it’s not that this turn of phrase has never been used before, it does not sound particularly elegant. While the Left does have vague sections, its configuration as a whole is fine. Thus, I think it has to win once more.
[2]Sangi jūsan’i-gyō sadaiben ken kageyu no kami awa gonkami Fujiwara ason Sanetsuna 参議従三位行左大弁兼勘解由長官阿波権守藤原朝臣実綱
[3] This poem appears in Maboroshi 幻, the forty-first chapter of the Tale of Genji (Genji monogatari 源氏物語). It is spoken by Chūjō, one of Genji’s ladies-in-waiting, after he has found her asleep, with her clothing in disorder one morning and flirtatiously suggested, as she has struggled to get dressed, that it has been so long since he has made love that he has forgotten how. She replies: さもこそはよるべの水に水草ゐめけふのかざしよ名さへ忘るる sa mo koso wa / yorube no mizu ni / mizukusa ime / kyō no kazashi yo / na sae wasururu ‘That may be, but / In the jars of proffered water / Waterweed grows old, perhaps, yet / To say that the blossom in your hair today / Has had its name forgotten? Really…’ (Genji monogatari 573). Genji is charmed by this reply and the narrator dryly notes, ‘He seemed not to have rejected her at least’ (Tyler 2001, 773) (hitori bakari wa oboshihanatanu keshiki nari 一人ばかりをば思し放たぬけしきなり (Imaizumi, Mori, and Wokazaki 1976, 872)). The version of the poem Shunzei quotes comes from an alternate version of the Genji text, which is now not regarded as authoritative.
[i] Kubota et al. (2024, 427) note that Shunzei is mistaken here, as there are prior examples of related expressions’ usage, by Izumi Shikibu, among others. For example: …she folded some paper into the shape of an offering, wrote this upon it and sent it.神かけてきみはあらがふたれかさはよるべにたまる水といひける kami kakete / kimi wa aragau / tare ka sa wa / yorube ni tamaru / mizu to iikeru ‘Before the Gods / My Lord, dispute with you / Who would? ‘Twould be as / Proffered jars filling / With water…’ (Izumi Shikibu-shū 109).
sumiyoshi no matsu no yukiai no tsukikage wa kumoma ni izuru kokochi koso sure
At Sumiyoshi, Pine boughs entwine, and The moonlight Emerges from between the clouds— That’s how it feels!
Lord Fujiwara no Sanekuni Supernumerary Middle Counsellor Captain of the Palace Guards, Left Division Exalted Senior Third Rank[2] 6
Both Left and Right, having the same conception contemplating ‘pine boughs entwine’, appear charming. ‘Emerges from between the clouds’ truly does sound as if it captures the moment, but the Left’s use of ‘even’ in ‘even from the gaps between’ show a deep knowledge of the world of poetry,[3] and thus, again, the Left wins.
[2]Shōsan’i-gyō gonchūnagon ken saemon no kami Fujiwara ason Sanekuni 正三位行権中納言兼左衛門督藤原朝臣実国
[3] Shunzei is praising Shun’e for his knowledge of earlier poems. Shun’e’s work builds on: 夜やさむき衣やうすきかたそぎのゆきあひのまより霜やおくらむ yo ya samuki / koromo ya usuki / katasogi no / yukiai no ma yori / shimo ya okuramu ‘Is it the night’s chill, or / My scanty robe: / Where the ridge poles of My shrine / Entwine, from the gaps between / Frost does seem to fall.’ This poem is said to be by the deity of Sumiyoshi (SKKS XIX: 1855). By adding in ‘even’ (mo) to the phrase he has taken from the deity’s work, Shun’e adds to it, saying that frost falls not only from the gaps in the shrine roof, but also from between the pine boughs outside. Shunzei’s judgement acknowledges the deep knowledge of prior poetry needed for this type of usage.
oshimikane akanu nagori no kurushiki ni iru made wa miji aki no yo no tsuki
Unbearable regret, Unending is a memento Most painful— I would not watch until it sets: The moon this autumn night.
Kenshō 69
Right
月影のかたぶくかたにさしいればやどのうちにも霜ぞ置きける
tsukigage no katabuku kata ni sashi’ireba yado no uchi ni mo shimo zo okikeru
The moonlight as It descends Shines in, so Within my lodging Frost, indeed, has fallen.
Lord Yorisuke 70
The Left, saying that the setting of the moon is a painful memento, and thus not watching it until the end seems excessively topsy-turvy. The Right, saying that the setting moon enters one’s lodging, is both pretentious and misses the point—surely it depends on the construction of the house! This shows know knowledge of how diction should be used, so the Left has to win.
tsukikage o matsu to oshimu to aki no yo wa futatabi yama no ha koso tsurakere
Moonlight A’waiting brings regret On autumn nights— Twice the mountains’ Edge do I hate so!
Sadanaga 63
Right
吹きはらふ月のあたりの雲みれば春はいとひし風ぞうれしき
fukiharau tsuki no atari no kumo mireba haru wa itoishi kaze zo ureshiki
Blown away From round the moon The clouds I see, so Hated in spring The wind fills me with joy!
Koreyuki 64
The Right seems to be saying that clouds are blown away from round the moon, so it sounds as if the diction is reversed. Overall, it lacks soul. While the Left has an archaic conception, it should win.
matsurabune akashi no shio ni kogitomeyo koyoi no tsuki wa koko nite o mimu
O, boat from Matsura, Upon the tides of Akashi, Halt your rowing! For tonight, the moon I would gaze upon from there…
Lord Tsunemori 51
Right
月影のさえゆくままにおく霜をおもひもあへず鐘やなるらん
tsukikage no saeyuku mama ni oku shimo o omoi mo aezu kane ya naruran
While the moonlight Is so chill, Is it of the falling frost Quite heedless that The bells are tolling?
Tōren 52
I wonder if the Right’s conception is that of the bells of Fengling? It appears to be said of them that they ‘rang of their own accord when frost fell’, or something like that. Hence, in the Cathay-style poem with the topic ‘the autumn moon seeming to be frost at night’ there is also the line ‘wouldn’t you have it make the Fengling bells ring out together?’ Here, our moonlight is being thought to be frost, and the bells are tolling in response to it. But, as bells are inanimate objects, it does not seem feasible to think that they would toll upon seeing frost. Thus, saying that they would view the moonlight as frost and heedlessly toll, is odd, I have to say. As for the Left, while there is no clear reason for the initial line, the remainder seems reasonable, and so I feel this should win.
