Round Four

Left

まくずはふ山ぢもはれてあきのよはこゆるたびびとやすき月かな

makuzu hau yamaji mo harete aki no yo wa koyuru tabibito yasuki tsuki kana

Kudzu vines crawl Along the mountain paths, so clear On an autumn night for A traveller a’crossing Lit by a clement moon!

Cell of the Fragrant Elephant
35

Right

くまもなきつきのひかりをながめてはひたけてぞしるよはあけにけり

kuma mo naki tsuki no hikari o nagamete wa hi takete zo shiru yo wa akenikeri

No cloud mars The moon’s light, Filling my gaze, as A sun up high, telling me, Night leads to bright dawn.

Cell of the Everlasting Truth
36

The poem of the Left has nothing to present in all of its syllables. The poem of the Right resembles a composition by someone drunk out of his mind. As a result, it’s impossible to decide between them.

In the poem of the Left, does ‘clement moonlight’ mean that the moon’s light enables one to traverse a mountain path, which normally one would be unable to make one’s way along because one would expect it to be dark? The diction here is insufficient. As it says in the preface to the Ancient and Modern Collection of Narihira’s poems, ‘excessive conception but lacking in diction, like withered flowers lacking colours, but with a lingering fragrance’. This is a poem in that style, isn’t it. As for the poem of the Right, this, too, has ‘night leads to bright dawn’—the diction here is stilted and the conception lacks elegance. I have to say these poems are of about the same standard.